To the Wife Wanting to Be Mentored - Karen Smith - A Wife Like Me

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To the Wife Wanting to Be Mentored – Karen Smith

June 19, 2020

To the Wife Wanting to Be Mentored

As I was washing my daughter’s extremely long hair, she asked me an unexpected, random question. 


“Who is your second mama?” 


I thought and thought about how to answer that question, and at that moment I didn’t have a good answer. I shared with her about women in my life that I had looked up to. . But I had to say, “Right now, I don’t think I have a second mama in my life.” 


I continued to reflect on her question. She wasn’t asking about a literal mother, but another woman who served as a mother figure – someone who I could go to and share things with. Someone I could trust, and someone who would challenge and grow me spiritually.


Why don’t I have a second mama in my life? As I considered why I didn’t, many reasons came to mind.. Thinking about the reasons caused tears to flow, because they came from places of pain. 


They were situations that were of no fault of my own; however, they were still painful moments in my life. Deaths of loved ones, relocations, broken relationships, and the need to feel in control were all reasons I hadn’t opened my life up to another older woman.


Are you a wife that finds herself without a second mama? A wife that needs an older woman to pour into you? I urge you to honestly reflect on the reasons why there is not a second mama in your life right now. I guess that you, too, will find a list of painful places in your life that keeps you from allowing others to love you well.


Beauty In A Mentor


God created us for relationships. Relationships with Him, with our spouse, with our children, with our friends, but also with older women.  Scripture speaks to older women teaching and training younger women what it is like to follow God in all areas of our lives (see Titus 2:3-5). Wisdom from older women is precious and priceless.


As vulnerable as it may feel, there is a longing to be loved and cared for by a second mama, because God created us to experience this relationship. 


No matter the reason for not having a second mama in your life, we can hold onto hope that God will bring another person to be His hands and feet in our lives. Likely, God will ask us to take steps of faith in allowing another person to love us well. Often God calls us to open our hearts to others first. With the longing for a second mama, God may be asking you to befriend an older woman.  


If you are already involved in a local church, befriend an older woman at church. It’s that simple. Ask God to give you the courage to ask an older woman He lays on your heart if she would like to be a mentor to you. 


Befriending does not have to be hard and awkward, but it does have to be intentional. Begin taking small steps toward experiencing this deep, rich relationship today. Here are just a few tips on how to approach this relationship, from years of experience:


  1. Smile and start conversations in social settings
  2. Focus on getting to know her
  3. Mail her a card.  Yes, pay for a stamp and put a card in the mail.
  4. Invite her and her spouse (if possible) over for dinner—share photos of your life with her. Sharing pictures is a great way to spark meaningful conversations.
  5. Call her on the phone and ask a question you know she will know the answer to. I often ask cooking questions of older women.
  6. Be vulnerable with her. You will likely experience the deepest conversation and wisdom when you share what it is you’re struggling with or have questions about.


It will be God that grafts your hearts together, but your intentionality will surely be fruitful. Your intentionality shows God that you are willing to trust Him with your relationships despite the painful situations in your life.  


Wife Step: Take a minute right now to ask God to show you an older woman who would be a great second mama for you. Then choose one befriending tip to implement today.

Karen lives in Madison, Alabama with her husband and three children. Karen has served as Preschool and Children’s Pastor and has been involved in women’s ministry for many years leading small groups, making hospital visits, organizing retreats, and encouraging the hearts of women. Karen now blogs at Glimpses of Faith and Struggles.  What started out as a way to communicate medical facts has become a place where Karen uses life experiences to encourage others in their life journey.  When she’s not busy caring for her family or writing, you might find her cooking or crafting.


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