Learning to Fight From the Honeymoon Phase

If the “Honeymoon Phase” is a real thing, I’d say my husband and I had an expedited trip through newlywed land.


Our first two months were filled with living room forts, breakfast in bed and laughing all the time. The following two years were filled with depression, financial struggles and a lot of disagreements. 


We never gave up on each other or our marriage despite the desire to throw in the towel plenty of times.


We danced our dance with its highs and lows and learned how to count our blessings and loose change. Through all of this, we became a team and formed an unbreakable bond. 


When you go through real life with someone, you learn how to fight for each other.


As we turned the corner on our third year of marriage and entered year four, I felt a new song being birthed. God had redeemed so much in year three and had surprised us over and over again. We had made it out of the fire only to look back and realize he was with us all along.


That not-so-sweet honeymoon phase taught me a lot about my husband, myself, and the meaning of matrimony. 


This is what you can learn from your honeymoon phase:


  1. We are people who long to be seen, known and loved without any conditions.

As humans, we fear being “found out.” We worry that if anyone knows us deeply and fully, they will run away. As a spouse, we have the beautiful opportunity to fully know another person and then fully love them without hesitation. It’s a gift for them, but it’s a gift for us too.


  1. Compromise is compassionate.

Learning to meet in the middle can become a tool in showing compassion to your husband. When you make a compromise with your husband, you say to him, “I see you. I hear you. And I agree to walk toward you in love.” It’s not always easy, but when you start walking toward him, he will start walking toward you too.


  1. Love is not lust. 

We get married with grand ideas that we will have sex every day, multiple times a day. That life will be a series of passionate kisses. But Hollywood has lied to us all. Being in love with someone is not based on sexual intimacy. Love is a choice that is strengthened by intimacy, but sex is not our first stop. We must make a decision each day to step into love with the person in front of us, not just fall into it. 


If you are in a difficult season of marriage right now, take heart, because God wastes nothing.


“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.” 1 Corinthians 15:58 (ESV)


Sift out the gold in whatever you’re going through and cling tight to the promises of God. He will not fail you and he will not leave you alone. He is working even when we can’t see it. He is always present.


Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase, the family of five phase, or the empty-nester phase, your marriage is your mission field, and God is leading the way for you.

Wife Step: Write down three things you’ve learned in your marriage in the past three years (or past three months if you’ve been married less than three years). Ask your husband to do the same. Plan a time to discuss what you’ve learned and pray together for God to continue teaching and growing you.

Kaitlin is a wife, author, speaker, and coach who loves words, good coffee, and traveling to new cities. Her favorite places include airports, hotel rooms, and bookstores. Kaitlin and her husband Caleb live in Huntsville, AL and serve at Church of the Highlands. She never meets a stranger and is a sucker for brunch dates. She hopes everyone who meets her sees Jesus in her eyes and feels a little lighter when they leave her presence. You can say hi to Kaitlin on social media at @kaitlinchappellrogers on Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook, @kchaprogers on Twitter, or on her website at!


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