Why Marriage is Hard, But Good

Marriage has been a much more painful process than I expected it would be.

My marriage has removed things in my life I didn’t even know were there. It has painfully uncovered, severed deep roots, and killed off thick weeds in my heart.

The world tells us the point of marriage is to experience a new level of happiness–our own happiness. This path in marriage leads couples feeling disappointed and frustrated. But a marriage centered in God tells us truth–that the point of marriage is to become more like Christ. I have learned that to be very true and very difficult.

Why?

Because Jesus is perfect and we are not.  While we are all on journeys to love, think, and act more like Him, our journeys involve many growing pains alongside victories.

Marriage is hard because it serves as a mirror to show you exactly what you need to work on to become a more loving, more compassionate person. It highlights your flaws, weaknesses, and insecurities.

For myself, marriage has taken away many selfish desires, hurtful words easily hurled when hurt, and petty concerns. It is removing my need to always be right, my perfectionist attitude toward my home, and my controlling nature toward life.

It’s often painful to expose yourself to the areas of your heart that need adjusting. It’s difficult to dig down deep and grab the deepest roots. And marriage does just that. It opens your eyes to the behaviors you have always performed and maybe haven’t realized.

Mark 10:8 tells us, “… the two become one flesh, so they are no longer two but one flesh.” (NIV) Because we become one flesh, we engage in the often hard work to shed the selfishness of our old flesh so we can mesh with our husbands.

Please don’t read this and think you lose yourself when you get married, because you don’t. If anything, you find more of who you are because you find more of who Christ wants you to be. You walk side-by-side with a man and dive deeper into your relationship with each other and hopefully, the Father. It’s beautifully hard and it’s worth it.

When we allow God to pull out ugly roots, He plants a bountiful harvest in their place. The key is to have a willingness to ask God how He wants to deal with our hearts.

Here are three verses I meditate on when it comes to asking God to clean up my heart in my marriage:

1. Psalm 129: 23-34 “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 129:23-24 (NIV)
2. “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 (NIV)
3. “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 36:26

Marriage takes a lot from you so that God can fill the voids with something new, something good, something for His glory. He replaces selfish ambition with unified Kingdom goals. He removes those harsh phrases we often spew out and adds words of life for us to shower over our spouses. God takes those immature fights and destroys them in order to carve out time for you and your man to pray and fight for your marriage.

And if you and your husband aren’t on the same page when it comes to Jesus or your marriage, continue to let God prune your soul as you pray for the fruit of your mate’s heart. God can and will work your marriage for good.

Our Father loves to clean up the gardens of our hearts and bring them back to life. He loves to see our marriages bloom and proclaim His glory for all to see. Marriage is not for our own personal gain, but for the gain of Heaven. We are called to holiness in our homes.

Wife Step: Pick one of the three verses above and pray through it, write it out, and ask God what it is He needs to take from you in your marriage.

Kaitlin is a newlywed striving to be a strong half of a Kingdom team with her hunk of a husband. She is a lover of words, good coffee, and exploring new cities. Her favorite places include airports, hotel rooms, and bookstores and she has yet to meet a stranger she doesn’t like. Kaitlin is addicted to shopping, yoga, and brunch and couldn’t make it a single day without her dream-supporting family and best friends. She hopes everyone who meets her sees Jesus in her eyes and feels a little lighter when they leave her presence. You can say hi to Kaitlin on social media at @kchaprogers on Instagram and Twitter, @kaitlinchappellrogers on Facebook, or on her website at kaitlinchappell.com!