What To Do If Your Spouse Has a Problem With Pornography
Early in our marriage, my husband had a friend that had a severe pornography addiction. They worked together in the IT department and spent their days in front of computer screens. Men are very visual, and this is when my husband’s struggle with viewing porn began.
First, it is just a glance, it is exciting and arouses the senses. Then another peek until you can’t get that image out of your mind, then it becomes a visual addiction. That is the way pornography works. Pornography burns out the pleasure centers in your brain until the only way that you become aroused is by looking at more and more of it, or even worse, more and more deviant types of pornography.
At this time I was hugely pregnant with our second child. Exhausted from a working full-time and then coming home to care for our active preschooler. All of which affected my interest in sex. It wasn’t long before my husband was deceived by porn, and our marriage began to suffer.
You can imagine the devastation I felt when I found out my husband was looking at pictures of other women naked. I felt a wide range of emotions from anger to insecurity. I reasoned that there must be something wrong with me. I was disgusted by the thought of my husband is aroused by looking at pictures of naked women.
Questions plagued my mind. How could my husband do this to me, especially when I was pregnant? He must not love me. Is there something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Why didn’t my husband love me? Wasn’t I enough?
Have you been there?
I had no one to talk to about my feelings. I was embarrassed and felt desperately alone. The enemy wants us to feel like we are alone, and wants us to keep our sins hidden. I pressed harder and harder into the Lord to see me through these difficult days.
When we expose our hurt or sin to the light, we open the door for God to heal.
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” – John 1:5 NLT
I reasoned with myself, believing that I could not live with a man I didn’t trust. I decided to contact a lawyer to file for a divorce. Before I proceeded, I told my husband’s mom what was happening. I exposed my husband’s sin of pornography to the light. My mother-in-law began battling on her knees in prayer on behalf of our marriage.
My husband begged me to forgive him, and we went to our pastor for marriage counseling. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, I was able to forgive my husband, and we reconciled. It took a long time for him to regain my trust. But by the grace of God, we now have a better marriage then we did before all this happened.
Friend, I want you to know that if your spouse has a pornography problem you are not alone. Pornography has become a rampant problem, even within the church. It is not your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong. Pornography is a sin issue. Your spouse needs to accept responsibility for his sin and repent. Or, if he is addicted, he’ll need professional help to begin the process of recovery. For more on pornography addiction, visit XXX Church.
What can you do?
Expose the sin of porn to the light and allow God to heal your heart and restore your marriage. There is help for you and your husband. Don’t suffer in silence and instead reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or pastor and get the help you need.
Put safeguards in place to protect your marriage. Use internet controls, and programs like Covenant Eyes to shield you from the ability to view pornography. Covenant Eyes provides internet accountability to help you and your loved ones live free from porn. It’s a unique block and accountability that only they offer, and you can get your first 30 days free right now, by clicking here.
Keep lines of communication open and be transparent with one another.
Encourage your spouse to get a same-sex accountability partner to help them with their journey.
Be sensitive to triggers and avoid temptation. Avoid tv shows or movies that could cause your spouse to stumble.
Wife Step: Pray daily specifically about this issue for your spouse, and bring this issue into the light so your heart can begin to heal. Share with a trusted Godly friend, pastor, or even myself.
Misty Phillip is an author, blogger, and speaker. Misty believes a woman’s highest calling is to love God and make him known, by loving and serving her family and others with her God-given gifts and talents.
Misty is married to the love of her life and best friend, Peter Phillip, and together they have three amazing young men and are blessed with a precious daughter-in-law. Misty left her corporate career to homeschool her boys. As her boys have grown she began a new season of writing and speaking.
In 2011 Misty became involved in the pro-life movement speaking for Texas Right to Life soon after her son Liam was diagnosed with Trisomy 18. This life changing event launched Misty into the pro-life movement. Recently, she has joined Save the 1 as a National Pro-life speaker. Misty shares devotions on Christian Living, Faith, Home, Family and the books she loves at MistyPhillip.com– By His Grace – Seek Jesus, Study the Word, & Grow in Grace.