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The Often Overlooked Solution to Your Difficult Marriage – Beth Steffaniak

February 19, 2020

The Often Overlooked Solution to Your Difficult Marriage

As wives, we all want to recapture the passion in marriage, spicing up what has possibly become stale. Sometimes, we even turn to Pinterest and Google, and after honing in on an article or two that we like, we will do the suggested “x, y and z,” ultimately, often producing disappointing results. 


A common result to our well-intentioned effort is that our marriages remain just as lifeless, and our spouses remain just as disengaged as before—leaving us all the more frustrated.


If your marriage and heart are like mine were at one point, it might be because you’re coming at this problem from the wrong angle. 


While going on more dates, connecting over candlelight and pumping time and effort into the atmosphere of your bedroom might often times be very beneficial, it can also sometimes only highlight your problem, not resolve it. Why? Because sometimes the problem is due to resentments you’ve been harboring against your husband. 


There’s nothing that kills the mood of a marriage more than when feelings of simmering anger at your mate are eclipsing a smoldering desire for your man! In the case of underlying resentment or bitterness, following a checklist or tips will only get you so far.


If this describes you, consider coming at this from the “inside out.” In other words, bring your wounded and angry heart to God in prayer so that He can help you forgive your husband.


Years ago, I gave myself to this kind of prayerful pursuit. It eventually helped me to forgive my husband and heal my marriage—something that had always eluded me before. 


Four Ways to Devote Yourself to Heart-Healing Prayer 


  1. Ask God to Give You the Desire to Forgive Your Husband. Sometimes it’s just that hard and unsavory of a prospect. We need God to fuel the desire within us to forgive our husbands. Thankfully, God delights in answering this kind of prayer—giving us a desire that matches His own. A desire that is for our husbands and not against them.


“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.” Philippians 2:13


  1. Seek Jesus’ Comfort and Healing for Your Marriage Wounds. I would encourage you to write out your prayers as you pour out before God the hurts and disappointments you have felt in your marriage. And don’t censor your feelings either, since God already knows what’s in the depths of your bitter heart. Then ask the Lord to comfort and heal each one of these emotional and relational wounds you’ve laid bare before Him. 


The bitterness in your heart didn’t happen overnight, so accept the slowness that healing often requires. Simply trust God in the meantime to soften and heal your heart in His timing and way.


  1. Commit to Pray for Your Husband Daily and Spontaneously. Start each day with a prayer of thanks for your husband and all of the many roles he plays in your life. And whenever he does something that irritates you, instead of complaining or arguing with him, spontaneously and silently pray for him. 


  1. Enlist Prayer Support. This final point is so crucial to sustain and support all the others. Ask another wife to join you in praying for your marriages together. It’s clear that God shows up in a mighty way when we pray alongside others. 


“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20


Wife Step: Choose to embark on this prayer journey toward forgiveness of your spouse by committing to at least one or more of these steps.


Beth Steffaniak is an author, marriage blogger, life-coach, pastor’s wife, empty nester and proud grandma. She resides with her husband in southern Illinois, where they enjoy leading marriage workshops together, as well as investing in helping people grow closer to Christ, each other and the disconnected. You can find more of her writing at


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