Pursuing Your Spouse
Guy meets girl. A mutual interest piques. The couple dates and spends time together.
Love grows and blooms until the storyline reaches a climax, “Will you marry me and be mine forever?”
But there’s something we often take for granted in the best love stories: both people actively pursued the other.
Most of our own love stories followed the same storyline. During the dating period we pursued the man we loved with all our energy and he likely reciprocated. Think back, this was my experience, was it yours?
Sadly, once we are married the pursuing usually stops.
What Pursuing Means
What does pursuing really mean? Take a look at these definitions:
- Pursuit – interests and attempts to achieve something. (Collins Dictionary)
- Pursue – to follow in order to overtake; to engage, chase. (Merriam-Webster)
- Pursuit – an effort to secure or attain. (Dictionary.com)
- Pursuit – the act of striving to gain or accomplish something. (The Free Dictionary)
Now that we see what pursuing means, it gives us insight into the reasons why it usually stops after we marry. Notice the words above; achieve, secure, attain, gain and accomplish.
When Pursuing Your Husband Stops
When the pursuing ended with the result we wanted—we got the guy—what reason is there to pursue?
Ladies, I still want my husband to pursue me after over three decades of marriage, and he wants me to pursue him. Yet, we’ve both been guilty of losing sight of pursuing the other.
Lack of pursuit not only caused a decline in our intimacy as a couple, but also created a staleness within our marriage.
The times my husband and I discussed our need to be pursued, we expressed feelings like:
- Uncertainty the other still desires us.
- Disappointment our spouse pursues other things, not us.
- Fear those early days of pursuit are just for dating and honeymoon periods.
- Loss of value that we are worthy for pursuit.
Discussing your feelings around your desire to be pursued is the first step in resuming the pursuit.
Why Pursuing Matters
The biblical storyline for love shows God pursuing His people from beginning to middle and through to the end. God pursues us with a desire and passion and extravagant love to win us over, to secure us for His own.
God stays in pursuit of us daily as the lover of our soul.
In the same way, godly love for our husband pursues him with desire and passion and extravagant love as our soulmate forever, keeping the love alive through pursuit.
1 Corinthians 13 is called the love chapter. Verses 4-8 highlight love’s attributes such as kind, patient, not arrogant, doesn’t take into account wrongs suffered, selfless and rejoices in the truth, just to name a few.
And the last verse states, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13 (ESV)
It’s interesting that the first sentence in the next chapter says, “Pursue love.” 1 Corinthians 14:1a (ESV)
Let that sink in…pursue love. Dear wives, this pursuit of love includes your husband and not only after you’ve captured him for your very own. But also now, today, and every day. Stay in hot pursuit of your guy! And remember what pursuit looks like – kind, patient, not arrogant, doesn’t take into account wrongs suffered, selfless and rejoices in the truth, just to name a few.
If you read this and long for your husband to pursue you, pray fervently for God to increase your husband’s pursuit of you. Also remember you and your husband think of ‘pursuit’ differently, and it shows up in un-Hallmark movie ways. Extend grace and communicate what pursuit looks like to you, all the while taking the first step in pursuit of your husband.
Wife Step: Think back to dating your husband and the ways you pursued each other. Make your husband feel special, certain of your desire for him, that he is valuable and worthy of your pursuit and you are pursuing him because you love. Think, Pursue love!
Karen Friday is a pastor’s wife and women’s ministry leader. As an award-winning writer and avid speaker, she loves words and God’s Word. For over a decade, she has balanced the busy life of church ministry with working from her home office in marketing where she is frequently referred to as Girl Friday. A blogger, Karen “Girl” Friday engages a community every week, Hope is Among Us. She has published a number of articles and devotions in both print and online media, and is currently working on her first book. Karen’s writing connects family life experiences, Christian ministry, and real life scenarios as women to the timeless truths of Scripture. Vulnerable about her own marriage journey, Karen knows life never gets more real than as a wife. Karen and her husband Mike have two grown children and two grandchildren. The entire family is fond of the expression, “TGIF: Thank God it’s Friday.” They owe Monday an apology. Visit her blog at KarenGirlFriday.com