Is Your Marriage Under Attack?

If so, you are not alone. I pray that my story, paired with God’s Word, will be an encouragement to you today. 

In my twenties, my friends and I were getting married. Young, in love, maybe a bit naive, but all of us were pretty excited about the future. It felt like we were attending weddings every weekend, making it quite the ongoing celebration.

And now, as we enter our forties, many of my same friends are getting divorced. After years of struggle and strife, they’ve decided the party is over. Every time I get the news, it’s disheartening and disappointing, not because I don’t understand their pain, but because I do. 

My husband and I have struggled in marriage from the very beginning. It often feels like we are under attack. 

If our dating relationship was rocky, well, our marriage has often felt like climbing Mt. Everest, with lots of work, sweat and tears. There are definitely days when I want to throw in the towel and walk away. I know he does, too. 

But by the grace of God, neither one of us have. While we disagree on much, the glue that binds us is our desire and commitment to work on our marriage. Everyday (sometimes several times a day) we have to make a decision to stand up and fight in a battle–one that we had no idea was waiting for us when we said “I do”. 

If I’ve learned anything in the sixteen years of being a wife, it’s that all marriages are under attack by an unseen enemy. 

Our enemy Satan is looking to take down our homes. And while some situations are straight-up war zones, many are quietly being destroyed without either marriage partner even realizing the damage is being done.

In our circle of friends, we hear from men who are frustrated and women who are hurting. Both sides want to blame the other and absolutely no one is benefitting. The men understand the men and the women understand the women. It’s natural to side with the one who “gets” you. 

But that’s also why it’s so important to surround yourself with women who will help you fight for your marriage. 

We can all find women who will tell us what we want to hear, but that’s not always best. Instead, seek godly women who will point you to the truth; women who will ultimately point you back to the message of Jesus. These women won’t be concerned about you being right, but that your relationship is redeemed. 

A big part of fighting back when your marriage is under attack includes learning to pray for your spouse.

Easier said than done, right? I’ll be the first to admit that I really struggle in this department. When things are going well, I forget about praying for my husband. When things are really hard, I cry out in desperation. But I know that prayer works. Prayer softens our hearts for our husbands. It reminds us that they too, are children of God. 

When we see our husbands as children of God, it can help us in our efforts to forgive them. 

Ever notice that little offenses stack up and cause the tower to crumble? By learning to forgive our husbands for the quirks and annoyances that happen on the regular, we will be more equipped to forgive them should something big happen. Keep in mind your husband doesn’t have to know you are forgiving him for this to work. Forgiveness is a heart change that we can control. It’s a gift for you. 

And while we’re in the habit of gifting, let’s make it a practice to demonstrate love to our husbands. 

There are going to be days when you look at your husband and feel the complete opposite of love for him. The good news is that we can choose to love, even when we don’t feel like it. The New Testament tells us again and again that love is an action, empowered by the Holy Spirit. If we believe it to be true within our other relationships, then we’ve got to be applying it within our marriages. 

But the most important thing you can do as a wife is armor up!

By staying close to the Lord, reading His word and taking up the shield of faith (Ephesians 6: 13-16 NIV) you are letting the enemy know that you are not easily defeated. We are not promised that the battle will be easy, but by fighting with your husband (not against him), you’ll find that your marriage can be holy, happy, and protected from being under attack.  

Wife Step: Take time this week to pray not only for your marriage, but specifically for your husband. ​

Amanda Flinn is an award-winning author, blogger and booknerd. Fueled by a little caffeine and a whole lot of Jesus, she’s learning what it looks like to step out of her comfort zone and into her calling. As a freelance writer, and the director of Kingdom Edge Magazine, Amanda is passionate about using words to positively impact others. She truly believes that every person has a story to tell; you just have to find your voice. A wife of 16 years, she admits that marriage is the most challenging relationship she has ever had, yet the one that keeps her closest to God. Boymom, dogmom, and friend to anyone who needs one–Amanda wants you to remember that no matter what you’re going through, you’re never alone. To learn more about her debut board book, Yoga Baby, and upcoming writing projects, visit www.amandaflinn.com.

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