Pastor’s Wives

How to Avoid Feeling Trapped as a Pastor’s Wife – Kristin Milner

May 18, 2018

How to Avoid Feeling Trapped as a Pastor’s Wife

In the early years of our marriage, my husband and I lived in a four-hundred-square feet apartment in downtown San Francisco.  


The city was filled with crowds, noises, strong smells and constant movement. At the end of each day, I wanted nothing more than to retreat to our apartment and find rest. Recovery from the day. Stillness. Instead, I was met with crowds in front our apartment entrance waiting in line for a popular Korean restaurant on the bottom floor of our apartment complex, loud noises, and unpleasant smells that overtook our humble abode.


With attempts to breathe life back into my weary soul and to catch a glimpse of fresh air, I raised the windows throughout the apartment. But with the AT&T stadium only blocks away, sounds of the rushing crowds coming into the city for the Giants game rang loud. The sounds of taxi horns, police sirens and excited fans cheering all rang through our apartment.


The busyness of the city was often inescapable. I knew God called us to San Francisco to start a church and I loved having the opportunity to watch as God grew a church from nothing, to a fruitful ministry. Adults from all over the world were coming to know Jesus for the first time. Having a front row seat to such a great ministry was such an honor.  


Then why did I feel so trapped?


I wonder if you’ve felt that way. You see the fruit of what God has called your husband to, yet inside you’re wrestling with where God has you. Our focus on wanting more can keep us from living the life God has right in front of us.


When gratitude feels hard, how can we be grateful?


Each morning I wrote my husband several thank you notes. Some I gave to him, some I kept for myself. Daily gratitude helped me shift my heart and focus back to what was important.


When our minds and hearts become so focused on what Jesus has for us and what all he has done for us, we can’t help be grateful.


Gratefulness is choosing to focus on the good amongst the hard.


When your husband has been called into such an important calling, the enemy will twist your perspective away from anything good. Fight for gratitude, sister! God is doing a great work where you are. Do you see it?


Wife Step: Today, write a thank you note to your husband, thanking him for anything you’re thankful for. Remind him and remind yourself.


What do you find your biggest struggle to be as a Pastor’s wife?

Kristin lives in Huntsville, Al (or Rocket City as the Huntsvillian’s call it) with her husband Tim and two daughters. Kristin and her husband helped start Epic Church in San Francisco, Ca., and are now the lead planters of Essential Church in Huntsville, Al.  


While living and working in San Francisco, Kristin and her husband felt God calling them to Huntsville to start a church for people in the South who no longer believed church was for them.  She’s been married to her best friend and biggest fan, Tim, for ten years. Together they have two beautiful girls, Sophia and Selah. They are expecting again at the end of May.


Before motherhood, Kristin was a Mary Kay director and an aspiring business woman. After years of hard work launching and maintaining a successful career, it all fell apart upon moving across the country. For years after losing her career, Kristin struggled with understanding her value and self-worth. She sought value in other titles, such as being a pastor’s wife, and then eventually a mom.


Kristin now understands our value doesn’t come from the titles or careers we have. Kristin is a stay-at-home mom who seeks to give her children an ordinary, happy childhood. She seeks to find her value in Jesus each day and teaches her kids to do the same by teaching them scripture and letting them see how God fills our shortcomings. She has found her family’s gifts come to the surface when there is space for simplicity. She loves running, reading, writing, being outdoors, and hiking with her family.

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