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How I Stopped Playing the Comparison Game – Hannah Ackley

September 26, 2018


How I Stopped Playing The Comparison Game

I was meeting a friend one summer to go swimming. She was pregnant. This friend has always been what is probably considered the perfect standard of beauty. Tall, thin, great smile, perfect hair, and impeccable taste in clothing. The total package.


This was the first time that I had seen her in a swimsuit since she had progressed in her pregnancy, and I am ashamed to say, I was absolutely DELIGHTED to find that she had now acquired her very own stretch marks.


“Yes!” I thought, “Miss perfect has a flaw!” I celebrated her new “flaws” that she had received from creating life because it somehow made me feel less awful about the cluster of stretch marks that already riddled my own body.


The insecurities I had about my own body had me savoring the fact that my friend now shared my long-held misery of imperfection.  I had allowed myself to get wrapped up in the comparison game.


We all do it at times, don’t we? We look around at our friends and immediately feel less than. Or even worse, we look at our friends so that we feel better about ourselves.


That friend that has bad acne or uncontrollable hair makes us feel just a tiny bit better about ourselves.


We play a game where there is actually, in fact, no winner.


How We Can Stop Playing The Comparison Game


I have found this struggle to be best defeated by stepping out of the game and into mental warfare. I have had to completely rewire my brain when it comes to the way that I think about other women. You know what I mean, like when we immediately judge some woman we catch a glance of at Target?


We don’t usually do this on purpose, our mind just automatically starts to pick apart her appearance.


Plan Ahead


Next time you leave your house, pay attention to the negative thoughts that flash through your mind when you see another woman.


Take that thought captive, and instead, find something that you appreciate about her in your mind.


I began trying this, and immediately noticed the benefits.


First, I was able to recognize things that I had originally considered a “flaw” to be really beautiful.


We are told by the world what is beautiful, but when you take into consideration that God intricately designs each and every one of us, and attempt to see people through His eyes, the world’s standard becomes a bit comical.


Second, I was better able to find the positives in myself. When I shifted my thinking from the comparison game to the compliment game, I was less concerned about what I was lacking (or in my case, what I have a lot of extra of) compared to someone else.


Third, the more I paid attention to the beauty in others and myself, the more confident I became in my marriage. Intimacy became more enjoyable, I was flirting with my husband more, and overall more joy-filled.


Wife Step: Pray this prayer with me:

Lord, help me to have your eyes when looking at my sisters. You have created each one

so specifically and intentionally. Help me to find the true beauty in each and every

woman that I encounter today. Amen.


Hannah is the creator of She is passionate about helping women develop a Godly body-positive attitude about themselves, which is a journey that she is on herself. She is deeply in love with her Creator, and also her husband, the handsome youth pastor. They are currently expecting their first Baby in August, and are so excited for the new adventure of being parents!


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