Share

All Wives

Becoming the Wife You Hope to Be – Bailey Richardson

May 6, 2020

Becoming the Wife You Hope to Be


I got engaged to the man of my dreams when I was 20 years old. I was still in college at the time, so wedding planning happened between biology class and my shifts serving at a local restaurant. My friends and I gathered around my laptop and scoured Pinterest and wedding websites, dreaming of what the magical day would look like. 

 

Meanwhile, I had a mentor in her 60s who had been married longer than I’ve had breath in my lungs. She was more concerned about preparing me for marriage than the wedding. 

 

So while my friends and I were talking about color schemes and bridesmaids dresses, Barb lovingly took the role of reminding me that there would be a life after the wedding, and it would be beautiful and exciting, but also hard work.

 

One of the exercises she had me do (adapted from the book What’s It Like to be Married to Me? by Linda Dillow—a great read!) was to write my own eulogy. It might sound morbid, but she wanted me to think about what I wanted my husband to say about me after I’m no longer here.

 

I was wrapped up in my wedding and she was already on to the funeral.

Becoming the Wife You Hope to Be

But Psalm 90:12 says, “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.”

 

Even though the wedding felt like forever away during engagement season, it would eventually come. After the wedding, I felt like we’d never leave the honeymoon phase because our love for one another was so consuming. But eventually, marriage did start becoming more mundane. 

 

We have to work harder for excitement. And now that we’re in the child-rearing season of life, becoming empty nesters feels like forever away. But that day will come, too.  And even further yet down my timeline is growing old and dying, but that’s also inevitable.

 

There’s wisdom in knowing our days are numbered. 

 

So when I sat down and wrote my eulogy from the perspective of my husband, the words that I wanted him to use were gracious, gentle, fun, spontaneous, encouraging, slow to speak and quick to forgive. 

 

In the early years of our marriage, when we were young and childless, those descriptive words felt a little more attainable. But now that we’re two kids in with no intention of stopping anytime soon, being spontaneous feels like a pipe dream and a scheduling nightmare. I wonder if, considering the way I’m living right now, my husband’s list about me might look more like: tired, selfish, short-fused.

 

And yet, we’ve only really been promised today, which means that if I eventually want my husband to refer to me as gracious, I need to be gracious today. And then when tomorrow comes, I’ll rely on God again to help me be gracious tomorrow.

 

There will always be a reason to put off prioritizing our marriages and becoming the wives we once wished to be. Every season of our lives will bring unique demands. We’re never going to arrive. We’re always going to be in process.

 

Wives, even though our lives are busy and we’re often overwhelmed by our endless list of to-dos, we’d be wise to take a deep breath and consider the type of woman we hope to be. We’re becoming her now, in our daily decisions. The small choices we make each day are actually the lives we’re building. Are we becoming the women we truly hope to be?

 

Wife Step: Take some time to write down the way you hope your husband will describe you when you’re gone. How does it compare to the way he’d describe you right now? Be gracious with yourself, knowing that you’re not perfect and never will be. Perfection is God’s job. But pick a few words that feel important to you, then pray and ask the Holy Spirit to start implementing those values and characteristics in your life today.

Bailey Richardson

Bailey Richardson is the wife of a Paul Bunyan look-a-like, the mama of a growing little family, and a woman on the wild adventure of pursuing Jesus. She lives in a small lake town in Minnesota where her family is highly involved in their local church and Young Life, a global non-profit youth ministry. A self-proclaimed “recovering perfectionist,” Bailey loves writing for and connecting with women who want to more deeply experience the grace, freedom, and abundance that comes from following Jesus. You can find her at baileymrichardson.com or on Instagram @baileymrichardson.

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I’m not who I was when I got married.

 

It was less than three years ago when I stood at an altar in front of a cross and said, “I do,” to vows we wrote and vows we borrowed. And in less than three years, I have become a different person.

 

My heart has changed. I’ve grown closer to God. And I’ve learned to love myself more. I have very different interests and concerns than the girl who stood in a white dress at 24.

 

My husband isn’t the same person either. His passions have grown. His friendships have changed. The goals he has for himself and his family are vastly different than they were three years ago.

 

Maybe you’ve changed a lot since your wedding day, and maybe your husband has too. Maybe there have been some beautiful changes and maybe some that aren’t so lovely. And while sometimes the changes are positive ones, other changes can be difficult. 

 

Some changes threaten to steal away the promises we made on our wedding day.

 

When we base the commitment to our husbands on how we feel he has changed for the worse or for the best, we are putting our hope in a pretty shaky foundation.

 

But God. Our God never changes.

 

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 (NIV)

 

When we put our hope in Him, and we plant our roots down into Him (Colossians 2:7) in our marriages, we stand on the firmest foundation there has ever been.

 

You’re not who you were when you got married, but God is the same God today as the day you made a vow to Him and your husband.

 

There are no coincidences and no accidents in God’s Kingdom. He works everything out for our good. Don’t believe me? Read Romans 8:28. He is working your marriage out for good, too.

 

Don’t let differences distract you from the divine gift God has given you in your spouse. 

 

When marriage gets hard and the fights feel never-ending, we look up. When we wonder who in the world we even married, we look up. When we think maybe we should have married someone different because we ourselves are so different now, we look up.

 

We’ll never be the same as we were the day we wore a veil and cut a cake, but we can make a decision to hold on to the same feeling of honor and respect we had for our husbands that day. We can take those promises with us no matter how many times we change in this life. We can continue to look up as the world around us and inside us shifts. Because our God never shifts.

We're Different Now

When we get married, we aren’t only agreeing to love the man in front of us for who he is that day, but for who he will be every day after that. Because we won’t always be who we are that day, and neither will he.

 

Wife Step: Write down three ways you’ve seen God remain constant and faithful throughout your marriage. Pray over those ways and thank Him for never changing, through the good and the bad.

8 Monthly Questions To Safeguard Your Marriage

questions

30 Essential Prayers For Your Husband

prayers

Intimacy Conversation Guide

guide

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR EMAILS AND ENJOY THESE FREEBIES

SUBSCRIBE TO GET THE FREEBIES

Search The Blog

SITE CUSTOMIZED BY ALEX COLLIER DESIGN

SITE DESIGNED BY EM SHOP

© A WIFE LIKE ME

The content of this site is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing found on this website is intended to be a substitute for professional therapeutic, psychological, psychiatric or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Your use of this site does not create or constitute a therapist-client or supervisor-supervisee relationship with A Wife Like Me. A Wife Like Me is not a therapy practice.

DISCLAIMER