4 Questions to Tell If Your Husband is a Priority

“Will you give it all up?”

My heart sank. And so did my thoughts. No, I can’t do this. I don’t want to move again! 

We had lived in this particular city for five years. A place our whole family loved. Our kids were settled in a community, schools, church, friendships and neighborhood. So was I. 

We’d put down roots and I had no intention of uprooting everything. 

For the first time in our marriage, we owned our home. We had it built. We worked with the contractors to pick out the floor plan, siding, flooring, and every detail. 

Now, my husband wanted me to pray about letting it all go to move across the country to work with a missions organization. We’d need to go as debt-free as possible. Sell the house, camper and extra vehicle, and raise monthly support for a family of four.

It would be a huge sacrifice – many sacrifices of comfort, our jobs and salaries, friends, church family and our beloved city.

Yet, if we were to make a life together, trusting my husband’s discernment and being obedient to God’s call was more important than my comfort.

But this is no easy practice, especially when we naturally fight for our own desires.

According to marriage author Jimmy Evans, once we are married, we reprioritize our relationships by putting our spouse in first place after Jesus. Priority is one of the Foundational Laws of Marriage, and is a mark of healthy marriages.*

How can we be wives who live out biblical priorities? Here are four questions to ask yourself to determine if you are prioritizing your marriage after Jesus:

1. What will I give up for him? Sacrifice proves priority. Are your days filled with all the things you want out of life and all the dreams you hope to see fulfilled? Do you make room for your husband’s dreams? Are these dreams you have together?

Often, our days get so filled with keeping straight the home and the activities and real life that considering our husband takes a back seat. Marriages where spouses run long-term with this back-seat mentality struggle to stay strong. Ideally both you and your husband sacrifice for each other. 

But like we always say here at A Wife Like Me, we focus on what we can control, which is our own actions. Think through how you will selflessly sacrifice for your husband. 

2. How much time do I spend with my husband? Time proves priority. Do you spend quality time with your guy? Are you squeezing him in between your other obligations, the kids, the house, and work outside the home? 

Is he penciled in on your calendar or planner after time with friends? Or does ministry get more of your time than him? We can misalign our priorities with even good things. 

Quality time may mean lowering your screen time, putting down your phone and closing your laptop or devices. Quality time requires an intentional plan. Make a commitment to make your husband a priority in time well spent.

3. How much effort do I give to my husband? Effort and energy proves priority. 

Is every ounce of your energy used up on other interests, other people, hobbies or passions? Sure, we all have days where we collapse in bed after expending all our efforts on an important event or project.

But it needs to be the exception and not the norm. We can aim for our norm as Christian wives  to be that we invest our efforts into our husband and the marriage first, and everything else comes second.

How can you shift your perspective to give your best energy to your husband and marriage? 

4. Is my attitude positive toward my husband? A positive attitude proves priority. Is your tendency to be grumpy with him? Are you kind with others on the phone or in person, then negative in tone and words to your husband?

Do you often shoot down his ideas for places to go, family plans, home improvement, child rearing/discipline, or how to manage money? Do you belittle him to your friends and in public?

Consider how your attitude affects your husband. Then find ways to be more positive. Make a list of all the things you like about him, what attracted you to his personality, and all you appreciate about him.

While prioritizing your husband and marriage doesn’t require us to pick up and move cities as it was in my case, as wives, prioritizing our husbands happens after we prioritize Jesus. This makes prioritizing marriage much easier and more enjoyable.

Wife, it’s not easy to live out biblical marriage today, but it’s worth every ounce of priority. The world will tell you to prioritize everything except your man, but we all know the result of this, and we refuse to live this way. Wife, we are with you as you pave a new generation of marriage!

Wife Step: Write each question at the top of a piece of paper or a computer document. Then write your thoughts on how to prioritize your husband in each area.

*Marriage books by Jimmy Evans: https://store.gatewaypeople.com/books/gateway-authors/jimmy-evans/

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Karen Friday is a pastor’s wife and women’s ministry leader. As an award-winning writer and avid speaker, she loves words and God’s Word. For over a decade, she has balanced the busy life of church ministry with working from her home office in marketing where she is frequently referred to as Girl Friday. A blogger, Karen “Girl” Friday engages a community every week, Hope is Among Us. She has published a number of articles and devotions in both print and online media, and is currently working on her first book. Karen’s writing connects family life experiences, Christian ministry, and real life scenarios as women to the timeless truths of Scripture. Vulnerable about her own marriage journey, Karen knows life never gets more real than as a wife. Karen and her husband Mike have two grown children and two grandchildren. The entire family is fond of the expression, “TGIF: Thank God it’s Friday.” They owe Monday an apology. Visit her blog at KarenGirlFriday.com