Why You Need Friendships in Marriage

We recently moved from a newly built house we loved into a fixer-upper. We have never considered ourselves “fixer-upper” people, but we embraced this house and all of it’s projects.

A few nights after we moved in, our friends of over ten years surprised us and showed up at our door.  It was not a common occurrence for them to drop by. They live forty-five minutes away and have four small children.  Even more surprising, it was 9pm.

Why?

Because they knew we needed help. They also knew if they came at night, our kids would be asleep and we could all get some things done together.

We painted our entire living room together that night.

I never imagined we would call them with very difficult and unexpected news about our oldest daughter just one week later.

One month later, we called again. Another surprise. We were expecting another baby. They loved and supported us as we learned to grieve difficult news and celebrate new life at the same time.

Life isn’t always easy. When hard times come, we need friends in our marriage who help us untangle our emotions. Friends who let us feel safe when we share our real thoughts and fears. Friends who help us understand how we feel about things. Friends who silently listen and don’t try to fix things. And friends who show up at our house and paint.

Do you and your husband have friends who support you in your marriage? If not, what steps can you take today to find this friend?

Wife Step: Talk with your husband about who your trusted friends should be. If you feel you don’t have any, reach out to a local church and ask to be mentored by an older, wiser woman.

Kristin lives in Huntsville, Al (or Rocket City as the Huntsvillian’s call it) with her husband Tim and two daughters. Kristin and her husband helped start Epic Church in San Francisco, Ca., and are now the lead planters of Essential Church in Huntsville, Al.  

While living and working in San Francisco, Kristin and her husband felt God calling them to Huntsville to start a church for people in the South who no longer believed church was for them.  She’s been married to her best friend and biggest fan, Tim, for ten years. Together they have two beautiful girls, Sophia and Selah. They are expecting again at the end of May.

Before motherhood, Kristin was a Mary Kay director and an aspiring business woman. After years of hard work launching and maintaining a successful career, it all fell apart upon moving across the country. For years after losing her career, Kristin struggled with understanding her value and self-worth. She sought value in other titles, such as being a pastor’s wife, and then eventually a mom.

Kristin now understands our value doesn’t come from the titles or careers we have. Kristin is a stay-at-home mom who seeks to give her children an ordinary, happy childhood. She seeks to find her value in Jesus each day and teaches her kids to do the same by teaching them scripture and letting them see how God fills our shortcomings. She has found her family’s gifts come to the surface when there is space for simplicity. She loves running, reading, writing, being outdoors, and hiking with her family.