When Your Husband Isn't The Man You Married - Debbie Taylor Williams - A Wife Like Me

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When Your Husband Isn’t The Man You Married – Debbie Taylor Williams

October 6, 2018

When Your Husband Isn’t The Man You Married

Have you ever had “off” days, weeks, or maybe even years when you said or thought, “My husband isn’t the man I married”?  If so, you’re right in several ways.


I wish someone had explained this to me in the early years of marriage. The fact is, our spouse changes and so do we through the seasons of life.  


Falling In Love with the Fun and Easy

Keith and I started dating in college. We got together for sports events, parties, coffee, and church. We were, I suppose, each other’s escape from the pressure of school, tests, and finances.  His touch made me tingle. His jokes made me laugh. His compliments made my heart soar. Our relationship was fun and easy.


Marrying the Idea

I don’t think anyone holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes can envision the “worse” in the wedding vow, “for better or worse.”  If so, we might not say, “I do.” We marry the idea of what we think marriage will be.


Living with the Hard

Finances, sex, communication, children, sickness, and in-laws presented stress in our marriage. Instead of Keith being carefree, he became a serious law school student then lawyer. I was no longer the carefree sorority girl, but instead a career woman.


Doing a Self-Assessment   

One day, I realized Keith wasn’t the man I married. But I also realized I wasn’t the woman he married. I had left my career to become a stay at home mom. I was exhausted. My body had changed and so did my focus – from Keith to our kids. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and had two surgeries. My body and hormones changed again. We moved from a large city to a small town. Circumstances and life impacted us so we were different versions of who we had married, but still had the same heart for God and love for one another.  


Praying Through the Survival Mode of Changing Seasons

If we step back and think about what our spouse and we have gone through or what we’re going through, we realize that, of course, our spouse has changed, but so have we. Hopefully, the challenges and changes make us wiser and better. But change is hard.


What can we do when we or our spouse is in a changing season? Pray like crazy and armor up.


What do I mean? God warns us there are evil spiritual forces whose purpose is to deceive and defeat us. It is important to realize our spouse isn’t the enemy and things aren’t hopeless. Standing firm in God’s truth and praying are key in changing seasons.


Wife Step:  

  • Read Ephesians 6:10-18.  Print it and pray it for you and your husband daily.
  • Look at your husband with eyes of compassion; recognizing he may not realize the battle he’s in.
  • Rethink your privilege to pray for him and pray fervently.


Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.

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