By Kristin Milner
What is an excellent wife? And how can you be one for your husband? That’s what we’ll explore today.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4 ESV
Am I An Excellent Wife?
As a mom with chronic health problems, I often feel stuck in the ruts of survival mode. Not for lack of effort to do all the things. Rather, lack of energy and limited physical abilities.
These limits keep questions lingering in the back of my mind:
How can I truly be an excellent wife to my husband?
How can I give him more than my end-of-the-day leftovers?
From a household chore perspective, I’m not always excellent. Clothes tend to pile up in bedroom floor corners. Empty chip wrappers and uneaten cheese sticks tend to sneak into weird places (gross – I agree). Too often, dinner consists of cereal, ham sandwiches or frozen chicken nuggets.
Knowing these things about myself, I sometimes cringe when I read Proverbs 12:4 ESV: An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. She who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Whoa. That can be hard to hear.
What if I am just a mediocre wife, trying the best I can? What if I’m not excellent, yet I don’t try to bring shame?
Can We Be Excellent Wives?
So, what does this mean for us? Does getting behind on chores equate to bringing shame onto our husbands? Or is this just a difficult part of having a house full of young kids?
Put simply, does a wife’s character go deeper than her cleaning and home management skills?
Although managing a home with excellence is important, I’m not sure it’s the only virtue that makes an excellent wife.
In Proverbs 31, the infamous chapter often describing the “virtuous woman” we often see a list of attributes to be checked off. As a wife and mom, the list can seem daunting and impossible to obtain.
However, the description of the virtuous woman isn’t meant to be seen as a daily to-do list. Instead, what if her life is meant to portray how we can best earn the trust of our husbands.
What Is An Excellent Wife?
Trust within marriage goes beyond completing our daily chores. As seen with the Proverbs 31 woman, her husband trusted her in all areas of life. These areas include–but aren’t limited to—financial decisions, parenting choices, public character and private integrity.
An excellent wife is one who strives to honor her husband and her family throughout all aspects of the day. When we seek to honor our husbands, serving them through household chores becomes more important to us. And when our husbands feel that honor and trust come from us, it’s easier for them to overlook all the other things.
Wife Step: Ask your husband if he feels distrust from you in any areas of your marriage, including finances, parenting, public character and private integrity. Then make corrections as needed.
Kristin is the pastor wife to her hubby and best friend, Tim. Together they have three beautiful girls, and an unusually gorgeous cat named Scooter. Kristin helped start Essential Church in Huntsville, Al, where her husband is the lead pastor. She loves to encourage women with Biblical truth and funny stories at www.kristinmilner.com.
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