What Every Wife Needs to Stop Being

I stood in my kitchen, staring at the calendar.  The dates, times, and events all screaming at me from the page.  Dread slowly crept throughout my body. My jaw began to clench. One by one my fingers curled up into fists, as I sunk to the kitchen floor.  Tears welled up in my eyes with the thought, “ How am I going to do it all?

The answer? I can’t. I was never meant to do it all. I am only one woman.

I am not sure when or how us women started thinking we had to be superwoman and do everything.

Depending on the season of marriage you are in, your calendar may be full of business meetings, kids sports activities, or elderly parents’ doctor’s appointments.  No matter what your schedule is composed of, you can not and should not do it alone.

When we try to fulfill every request on our schedule all alone, it wears us down.  We become tired emotionally, physically, and mentally. Striving to be superwoman will only lead to bitterness and resentment.  Left unchecked, these emotions will affect your marriage and your family.

This was true in my life about a year ago. After striving for so long to be Superwife, Supermom, and Supereverything, I found myself sitting in a counselor’s office with a diagnosis of High Functioning Depression. Even though I looked like I had everything together on the outside, I was falling apart on the inside. 

I was so afraid that I wouldn’t meet everyone’s  needs and every commitment and that I would be a failure.  It was like a broken record playing over in my head. You are such a failure.  You can’t do anything right. They would be so much better off without you. 

This affected not only me but my marriage and my family. I was in a very low place and slowly I was taking them with me.

A Bible verse that began to speak to me during this time was Psalm 46:10.  Through that verse, God taught me to lean on him. He told me to be still and know that he is in control.  Be still and know that he loves me. Be still and know that he is holding me. Just be still. 

How can we practice being still?

Look for opportunities of stillness not only in your mind but in your schedule as well.  Do you typically scroll social media after dinner? Can you put your phone away and instead quiet your mind and open up your bible? Do you wake up and start getting the kids’ breakfast going? Can you instead head to your favorite chair and slow your mind to pray before your day begins? There are many opportunities in our day we can replace with practicing being still, it just takes some intentionality. 

We can also take a look at our schedule and see where we can say “no”.  You do not have to attend every social event or enter your kids into every type of sport available. Take a good hard look at your current schedule and talk with your husband about areas which can ‘go.’

Finally, is there an area where you can ask for help?  If you are constantly running an elderly parent from one appointment to the next, or kids to multiple practices, maybe you could ask your husband to take care of dinner for the evening. Or a friend to swap meals on certain days.  Asking for help will relieve you of some of busy work in your day.

If we keep giving and giving, pretty soon there will  be nothing left to give.  Your tank will run dry.  And friend, we were not created to run on empty.  

Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28 to come to him, and he will give us rest.

I pray that we can become wives who learn to slow down and rest so that we can continue to pour into our husband and our families. 

Wife Step:  Look at your calendar today and choose one thing you can either say “no” to and cross off, or find something you can ask someone to help you with. Replace this time and instead, just be still.

Angie Johnson is a wife and mom and writes at http://keepingthetiethatbinds.com/.