The Secret to Improving Conversations With Your Husband

Have you ever thought about the impact your words have on your well-being?    The words we use not only impact others, but they also affect our own lives.

Words wound, heal, destroy or build-up. What’s more? Our words can haunt us, or they can encourage us.  

I remember one Saturday morning in my home, while my husband was sitting in a desk chair at the end of our bed.  I was standing near the end of the bed looking down on my husband in more than one way. We were having a heated argument.

Words were flying out of each of our mouths as fast as a bullet train. Anger was ranking at an all-time high in both our hearts. Our children were on the other side of the wall, needing their mom but afraid to say a word because they knew the angry words would then spill over on them.

They sat listening to parents at war with one another.  At this moment, it happened – a moment that I have forever wished I could delete. Haunting words spewed out of my mouth and to this day almost ten years later, I regret they ever did.

Fast forward to another conversation. There is a big issue brewing in our relationship.  It is causing yucky feelings to arise in my heart. I remember sitting down on the bathroom floor while my husband is finishing his shower, and I remember crying out before the Lord.

The prayer sounded something like this: “God, we need to discuss this subject. I know that if I don’t share my feelings, they are just going to keep building up until one day I explode. Father, I am scared.  I am scared of causing anger to arise in my husband. I am tired, and I do not want to fight. Can you please give me wisdom on how to communicate with my husband?”

After my husband was showered and ready for the day, God filled me with His peace and supplied me with great confidence as I dived into a “sticky relationship” discussion.  The words that followed did not cause anger. Instead, they focused on building up in the midst of strife.

I shared how my heart was feeling, and I communicated my concern over the impact it was having on our marriage. Unbelievingly, my husband began to share his tender heart, and I had the blessing of reaching out, pulling him close, giving him comfort and praying for him right there in the middle of my bathroom. I will forever remember this moment! It might be the closest I have ever felt emotionally to my husband.  Not wnating to replay the previous argument style, God gave us a life-giving moment because my heart was right and my conversation was covered in prayer.

When I think about these two scenarios, I can’t help but look at the impact my words have had on my own life.  Words that I have regretted for years versus words I am so proud that they came out of my mouth.  

What caused the difference in our conversations?  My heart.

What kept the second conversation from turning into a heated argument?  I prayed.

When I think about you and the impact of your words, I want to look you in the eyes, hold your shaky hands, and tell you it’s not worth it. Angry words might feel good in the moment, but in the long run, they aren’t worth it. Oh, how I have longed that someone would have told me it’s not worth it. That my angry words are hurting me, and then telling me the one secret that can radically change my marriage.  

What is that one secret?  The secret to improving my marriage and yours is to make sure our hearts are FOR our husband and NOT AGAINST our husband, and to take every sticky situation to God in prayer before discussing it with our spouse!

Wife Tip:  Ask God to show you if your heart is for or against your husband.  If it is against your husband, spend time asking God to make your heart for your husband.  If needed, seek professional counseling. (I did!) When your heart is for your husband, pray before you speak hard words.

Karen lives in Madison, Alabama with her husband and three children. Karen has served as Preschool and Children’s Pastor and has been involved in women’s ministry for many years leading small groups, making hospital visits, organizing retreats, and encouraging the hearts of women. Karen now blogs at Glimpses of Faith and Struggles.  What started out as a way to communicate medical facts has become a place where Karen uses life experiences to encourage others in their life journey.  When she’s not busy caring for her family or writing, you might find her cooking or crafting.