Stop Talking to the Wrong Man

Shortly after my husband and I were married we went to visit my family back home for a long weekend. My mom and I had gone out shopping one morning and on our car ride home we began talking about marriage and how life was going in my new role as wife.


I mentioned something about a recent frustration I had with my new husband and the words my mother said next sank deep into my soul.


“Don’t talk to the wrong man about your problems. Nagging your husband to change won’t do you any good and won’t build a healthy marriage. If you have a problem with your husband talk to God about it first before bringing it to your husband.”


I wish I could say I took this advice and practiced it perfectly. The truth is I often spoke to the wrong man first.


So many times a situation occurs and I rush into speaking to my husband, first.


“Surely he wants to know how to make this better.” I would reason. When all the while my words would put my husband on defense.


Several years into our marriage, when small frustrations were long gone and serious problems were at our door, I remembered the wisdom my mother had shared. I began to put her advice into practice, and in moments when I had every right to spur words at my husband, I stood silent. Not to shut him out or guard my heart, but because I wanted to stop talking to the wrong man. I wanted to practice going to the right man, and stop using my words to wound.


I began praying. Like crazy.


Every complaint. Every criticism. Everything went to God.


Some things God worked out in my husband, but more than anything, God fixed my heart.


God would remind me of my sin, when I easily called it out in my husband. God would remind me of His forgiveness toward me, when I withheld it from my husband. God softened my heart to see my man as God saw him.


Slowly but surely my complaints were replaced with compliments. Because when we come to God with the ashes of our life He will turn them to beauty.


I’ve learned over the years that while my husband is my favorite man, he isn’t the first man I need to speak to about things. Jesus needs my first words, because He filters my heart and tames my words so when I speak with my husband it is healthy and holy, instead of heated and hurtful.


Wife Step: Take five minutes right now and speak with Jesus about what is happening in your marriage. What are you seeing happen in the communication with your husband that could benefit by talking to God first?


Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family.


Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood.

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.


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