Savoring Your Spouse During Quarantine

My husband is self employed and has worked from home very frequently over the years while I stay home and homeschool our kids. We’ve had ample time with each other in the past, we’ve tackled projects and renovated houses together. For us, this quarantine hasn’t changed our day to day lifestyle all that much, aside from not seeing friends and family when we’re not working. 

In all of our time at home and working together, we’ve learned a few things about how to enjoy spending nearly all of our time with each other. While we’re nowhere near experts on how to handle a quarantine, I hope our time together can help encourage you to enjoy the extra time spent with your spouse and not drive each other crazy.

Here are some simple steps to savor your spouse during quarantine.

Check Your Own Heart First

Reflecting on your own heart’s attitude toward your spouse will be a large factor in how communication continues afterward. Consider how your attitude is in the moment about all that’s around you. Are you expecting quarantine to be terrible? Are you annoyed that this isn’t going how you thought it would go? Are you expecting your husband to drive you insane the entire time? Are you feeling frustrated and overwhelmed? 

How we view our current situation and our expectations surrounding our situation impacts our attitude toward our spouse. Often, how we expect our spouse to act affects our experiences more than their actions do (note for sufferers of abuse at the end). 

By taking a moment to self-reflect, you’re practicing maturity and will be able to process your feelings, where they’re coming from, and what you (or your husband or children) can possibly do to regroup. 

Kindly Set Boundaries

If you or your husband needs time to work, sit down and have a conversation about the time you need. Respectfully talk through what you both need to be able to get work or the children’s homework done. How can you get creative to help each other out? If you’d like more help around the house, have a kind discussion about household responsibilities during this time. Spouses who both respectfully and kindly communicate and follow through on boundaries helps both to have the same expectations and feel united.

Talk About Your Fears and Dreams

Take a little bit of time to talk seriously about what you’re scared of right now. On the other hand, talk about things you still dream of doing. Take time to be vulnerable with each other and share what you’re grieving through this time, things you’re afraid of, and things you’re excited to do again. Vulnerability is something that can be lost during a normal hurried lifestyle, so take this extra time and intentionally share.

Give Each Other Grace

Patience is bound to run thin during a quarantine, not to mention the added emotional and financial stress thrown in. It’s very important to give your spouse grace to not be perfect and to make mistakes. And the same goes for you. We can often be hard on ourselves and be frustrated by the fact that we aren’t able to accomplish or tackle what we thought we could. Quarantine is a time of survival, not of unrealistic expectations. Breathe easier and show yourself some kindness. A little bit of understanding and forgiveness can really go a long way for yourself and in your marriage.

Get Creative & Serve

If you are able, think of creative ways you can serve the people around you. Even if you have no resources to give, and you can’t physically be with anyone, video chat a family member or friend, or write a letter to someone to encourage them. Mail it or go for a walk and drop it in their mailbox. Be creative. Loving others can be a good way to enjoy time together and bond.

Find Things To Enjoy Together

My husband and I have been doing a lot more things together since the quarantine began. Recently we’ve played cards, baked together, watched a documentary about the Great Depression, and have gone for drives. The time has actually been nice in the sense that we’re almost forced to find simple things to do together, that actually end up being very enjoyable. Find simple things to enjoy with your spouse, whether it’s some of the above, or other games, playing music together, reading through a book, or even cleaning a closet together. Tip: It’s amazing what things you can find when your phones are off.

Encourage Each Other To Do Things They Enjoy Individually

I am introverted and my husband is extroverted. I try to encourage my husband to call his friends or facetime family members during this time, and he’s patient to give me time to myself. I’ve noticed my husband wants to talk to me a lot more in recent weeks, since he doesn’t get time with friends. While I haven’t been the best at it, I try to recognize that it’s something he needs to do to process life. Encouraging your spouse to do things they enjoy will help them to feel loved and will give them permission to process what is happening in ways that are life-giving to them.

Increase Support If Your Spouse Is An Essential Worker

If you are barely seeing your spouse right now while they’re working hard for our communities, then there are still ways to make this time special. Even if you feel exhausted or lonely yourself, by simply communicating your affection for your spouse via text, a note, or a voice message can lift both of your spirits.  Think through how you can creatively love, serve, and support your spouse through this very hard time. Special memories can be made through your loving ingenuity.

Practice the Release If You Are An Essential Worker

In a time where no one has a playbook and everyone is scrambling to adjust, for you as an essential worker, life must go on. You might be feeling frustrated or angry that you aren’t able to be home, or you may feel guilty because you aren’t able to offer much help with your children’s schooling during the day. You might be feeling resentful to the many who are able to be at home but who are complaining about it. Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel, and then release it, understanding you cannot control the situation, and can only trust the One in control of it all. 

A Note For Those Who Aren’t Safe at Home

If you are experiencing physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, spiritual, or psychological abuse from your spouse, this article does not apply to your situation. You never need to endure abuse in order to attempt to enjoy your marriage. Instead, talk to a counselor today. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 for help navigating a plan for your (and your children’s) safety.

This quarantine is a hard time for everyone, and it’s a time of great fear. But we can also find ways to make some special times out of it, if we look hard enough.

Wife Step: Take this time of quarantine to intentionally savor the extra time together. Although the financial, emotional, and physical stress make it hard, so many special times can be created with a little bit of intention.

Meagan Elling is a wife of 7 years to Reed, mama to two little girls, writer, and house renovator. She is a SAHM {I’ll let you decide if you want this spelled out or not} in Duluth, MN with a writing degree she thought would go to waste. She is passionate about encouraging women, ministry, traveling, reading 5 books at once, and Texas Roadhouse bread. Meagan writes at www.meaganelling.com and on Instagram @meaganelling.