One Simple Act in Your Marriage

My husband would never accuse me of being lazy. But truthfully, when it comes to my marriage, sometimes I can be. I guess that’s because of what I call the law of leisure.

This problem overtakes us when we feel like we don’t have to go the extra mile in marriage because, well, we don’t have to. Marriage has become comfortable, and our husbands aren’t walking out the door, or just yet anyway! And although there is beauty and closeness in being comfortable with each other, there is danger when comfort brings carelessness or idleness.  

Sadly, I gave in to this warped perspective just the other day. I took a shower and was faced with the choice to either take the time to shave my legs, like my husband likes, or put my own preferences in play. Because I know my husband will accept me whether I’m clean-shaven or not, I chose the latter. 

Though this was a small and somewhat insignificant choice, it lends itself to more of the same. Making this choice reinforces in my mind that my preferences and desires can easily supercede my husband’s.

Allow me to put this in even greater perspective. If I want to do my best for Christ, I must also give and do my best for my husband. 

An important guiding principle for cultivating a close, Christ-honoring marriage and life was written by James as well, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” James 4:17

Ouch. 

While I don’t mean to cast any stones, I do want us all to take a serious look at how we’re making choices in our marriage. Choosing to go down the easier path by not doing the good we ought to do will, at the very least, result in a mediocre marriage and mundane faith. And if we continue to act in ways that are in the middle of the road, that’s exactly where we can expect to find ourselves—getting run-over and crushed by our neglect. Are we saying your marriage is safeguarded by shaving your legs? Surely, no. But we are saying intentional thought into what is easy versus what is our best, goes a long way.

Want to recommit with me to do the very best in our marriages?

Some things this might involve:

1. Choosing to be patient and kind to your husband when he isn’t as patient and kind as you’d like him to be. 
2. Letting your husband choose what both of you will watch on television at least one night this week–and staying off your phone.
3. Giving your husband the time and attention you were going to take for yourself.
4. Choosing to support your husband’s way of dealing with your children—in front of them, no less!
5. Praying daily for God to make you a more humble, generous and diligent wife.
6. Oh, and of course, shaving your legs as often as needed!

Wife Step: Which of these efforts will you commit to do in your marriage? 

Beth Steffaniak is an author, marriage blogger, life-coach, pastor’s wife, empty nester and proud grandma. She resides with her husband in southern Illinois, where they enjoy leading marriage workshops together, as well as investing in helping people grow closer to Christ, each other and the disconnected. You can find more of her writing at www.messymarriage.com.