How to Tame Your Tongue
“Why does everything have to be your way?” I blurted, along with a list of other complaints I had against Keith. Over the last few weeks, I’d been stressed with deadlines, juggling kids’ activities, and helping my mother. Keith had made one simple suggestion and I unloaded a ton of bricks on him.
Why We Say What We Do
Jesus’s brother, James, explains this about our tongue: “The tongue…is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” (James 3:8 NIV)
Those are strong words! He goes on: “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? (James 3:9-11 NIV).
James is on to something.
How To Tame Our Tongue
Look Inside Your Heart
A wise wife will realize that her tongue is not the root problem. Our tongue is simply the voice of our heart. It expresses our heart. So if we want to tame our tongue, we must look in our heart.
Heart Cleaning
I don’t know how it happens, but I often let things collect rather than decide if something needs to be kept or thrown away.
The same can be true for our heart. Throughout the day and evenings we experience information overload. We may not have time to immediately process everything that is coming at us. On top of new information and experiences, we have a whole history stored up in our heart that affects our heart attitude toward our husband.
But we can become wise wives by examining the information we take in as well as what might already be in our hearts by asking these questions. Is what I heard true? Is this worthy of holding onto in my heart? Do I need to throw out that comment? Is there bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness in my heart with which I need to deal?
Proverbs 4:23 NIV says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
Sweet friend, our words reveal our heart. If we’re thinking we need to tame our tongue, it’s time to go to the Lord and talk to Him about our heart.
Wife Step:
If bitterness, anger, resentment, jealousy, unkindness, a critical spirit, or impurity are in our heart, ask for God’s forgiveness and cleansing. If there is an unresolved issue between you and your husband, ask God for wisdom for how to approach the topic with him.
What have you found to help you speak respectfully and kindly toward your husband?
Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.
The piece on taming your tongue makes the point that words carry real weight in marriage, and the reminder to pause before speaking is a concrete habit worth practicing, not just a nice sentiment. It’s the kind of small discipline that takes repetition to stick. I’ve found a quick mental reset before reacting helps, and lately I’ve used a short daily word game like noillirk.app as that kind of low-stakes pause to clear my head.
Focusing on How to Tame Your Tongue – Debbie Taylor Williams – A Wife Like Me clarifies the trade-off better than a vague summary. Separately, if you want a short break, mimicparty.me is a free browser party game with no download.
Debbie’s point about taming the tongue lands hardest where she ties it to the wife’s own words rather than just her husband’s—the reminder that careless speech can undo a day’s worth of patience is the kind of concrete reframe that sticks. It’s a discipline that takes practice in small moments, not grand resolutions. When I need a genuine mental break from that kind of self-monitoring, a quick round of something light like the party word game at krillion.me is an easy way to reset.