How to Get on The Same Page With Your Husband

Our very first Christmas as a married couple, my husband and I realized we disagreed about something very important. 

Christmas color lights. White and classy was my dream Christmas style. My husbands? Colorful and tacky (sorry to all of you colored-light fans).

My husband’s birthday happens to be on Christmas day, so Christmas is his favorite day of the year for many reasons.

My white Christmas dream never stood a chance.

Marriage is interesting like that – from the world’s perspective, being married is for personal benefit where I should get my white lights, while marriage from a biblical perspective would say being married is to display the glory of God and lay down your life for the other (maybe the tree gets both lights). 

Living as Christians, marriage is a daily walk of practicing the release of expectations, communicating our wants, while respecting our spouses’ desires.  As petty as the issue of Christmas lights might sound, the process of knowing when to give and when to take and getting on the same page isn’t always easy, is it?

Here are some lessons I’ve learned from getting on the same page with my spouse over the years:

Pursue Unity with Your Spouse. You and your spouse are on the same team. Teamwork requires both communication and compromise. Each member of the team has strengths and weaknesses which  complement one another, but only if you work together. Instead of allowing differences to divide you and your husband, seek to see how different your husband is from you, and how his differences are strengths for your overall marriage and family.

Learn from One Another’s Perspective. When our spouse has an opposing view, it doesn’t always mean one of you is wrong. It simply means your views are different.  When we step back from the situation and listen to our spouse’s hearts on their point of view, it helps us learn from the situation and understand our spouses on a deeper level. Practice refraining from injecting your own viewpoint and instead try learning what your husband thinks and why.

Be a Peacemaker By Getting Wise Counsel. Sometimes even after healthy debate and communication, it’s still hard getting on the same page. When this occurs, it’s best to get an unbiased opinion from a mutual Christian friend, Christian couple, or a Christian counselor. Make sure you and your spouse agree on who the person should be.  This person should be in support of both of you and your marriage.

Commit to Your Marriage. When working to get on the same page as your spouse, remember the greater commitment. Healthy marriages are made by choosing one another over and over, and knowing you are always in it together. Forever.

Don’t Rush Change. If there is a period of time when you and your husband are not on the same page with an issue, it’s common to want to push your husband into resolve. Instead of hovering over an issue, practice praying and asking God to work in both you and your husband and over the situation. Trust God with the work He will do and the time it takes to get on the same page.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the LORD forgave you. 

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:13-14.

Wife Step: When working to get on the same page with your spouse, which of these is hardest for you? Choose one next step and work towards growing in greater unity with your spouse.

Kristin lives in Huntsville, Al (or Rocket City as the Huntsvillian’s call it) with her husband Tim and two daughters. Kristin and her husband helped start Epic Church in San Francisco, Ca., and are now the lead planters of Essential Church in Huntsville, Al.  

While living and working in San Francisco, Kristin and her husband felt God calling them to Huntsville to start a church for people in the South who no longer believed church was for them.  She’s been married to her best friend and biggest fan, Tim, for ten years. Together they have three beautiful girls.

Before motherhood, Kristin was a Mary Kay director and an aspiring business woman. After years of hard work launching and maintaining a successful career, it all fell apart upon moving across the country. For years after losing her career, Kristin struggled with understanding her value and self-worth. She sought value in other titles, such as being a pastor’s wife, and then eventually a mom. 

Kristin now understands our value doesn’t come from the titles or careers we have. Kristin is a stay-at-home mom who seeks to give her children an ordinary, happy childhood. She seeks to find her value in Jesus each day and teaches her kids to do the same by teaching them scripture and letting them see how God fills our shortcomings. She has found her family’s gifts come to the surface when there is space for simplicity. She loves running, reading, writing, being outdoors, and hiking with her family.