How to Fill the Empty Space in Your Marriage

Space. It’s an abstract thing- and while we can’t see space, we can definitely feel space.

I talk about it to my children all the time. “Leave a space for your brother.” “Give each other a little space right now.” Or, “Mommy needs a little space for a few minutes.”

But the other day when I was about to use the word with my husband it caught me off guard. Life had gotten busy, and I wanted to say, “There feels like a space between us.”

As if a lightbulb went off in my mind and heart, the Holy Spirit whispered, actually, it was more like shouting, “Yes, there is space between you. What are you going to fill it with?”

The enemy is vying for our space.

Constant stimulation and distraction inundate our every moment. While there are some things we have no control over inhabiting our space, other things we very much can control.

Whatever we put into our space will fill it.

When I add children to my space they fill it. When I add water to an empty pitcher it fills it. When I add commitments to my schedule it fills it. When I add screen time to my space it steals it.

What fills the space between you and your husband?

The unspoken, invisible space between a man and woman, where nothing is seen but everything is felt. What are you filling that space with? Anger. Frustration. Resentment. Expectations. Attitudes. Deception. Busyness. Mind-numbing screens. Unresolved conflict. The list goes on.

Whatever we fill our space with will not only fill, but oftentimes overwhelm it.

All too often in marriage, emotions begin to fill the spaces of our heart which overwhelm us and add to the space between us and our spouse.

Which is why it is so important we fill our space as wives with the things of God.

Philippians 4:8 tells us, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.”

When I choose to live by the fruits of the Spirit and fill the empty spaces of my heart with the things of God, those spaces become full of God. In turn the spaces in my relationship with my husband feel the effects as those spaces become full of God too.

I don’t like having space between us, but at least I have the power of choosing what I fill the space with. And without fail, when I intentionally fill the space in my marriage, my life, and my relationships with things that are lovely, pure, right and excellent, I see the fruits of it.

Wife Step: Consider what you are allowing to fill the space in your heart and in your marriage. Do you need to change what is in your space? Make the necessary changes.

Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family.

Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at www.nataliadrumm.com where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood.

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.