Four Questions to Help You Determine if
You Are a Demanding Wife
Early in our marriage, our small white Buick began making a loud noise. I had my husband look at it, and he said he needed to take it to the shop. However, he never made it a priority to actually take it into the shop.
The sound grew louder. As the noise grew louder, my verbal frustration toward my husband also grew. I even tried to demand he take the car in at a time I selected, thinking he’d understand the need.
My attempts weren’t working and the car stayed neglected. Therefore, one day as the muffler was literally about to fall off, I decided I would take my car to the shop. I dropped my car off and walked back home. Mad.
For newlyweds, you can imagine this was a major ordeal. In my opinion, it was his job to take care of the vehicles. He was angry because he felt it made him look like a bad husband.
Newlyweds or not, these marital disagreements aren’t unusual. But sometimes, these arguments are more common, because us wives feel the need to push our husbands to act how we would act.
After the car was fixed and emotions had settled, we began to communicate calmly over the situation. I finally understood what the problem was. I was nagging and demanding.
It’s not that my husband didn’t want to bring our car in–it was that he didn’t want to respond to my behaviors and disrespectful communication. Should my husband have taken my car earlier? In my opinion, YES! However, I took it upon myself to demand that my car be cared for my way, at my said time.
In the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the love chapter. It describes what love looks like. Verse 5 says, “It does not demand its own way.” What? In as many different versions of the Bible I read, there it is, “Love does not demand.” There’s no missing it or skipping over it.
I’m a seasoned wife now. However, if I’m not careful, I find myself doing exactly what I did as a newlywed. Demanding. It is an ageless problem that God knew we would encounter.
How do we know if we are demanding? Oftentimes, we look and do not see ourselves as demanding. When I walked home mad from the automotive repair shop, I did not see demanding in myself.
Besides asking your husband his thoughts (be open to response), you can consider these questions to determine if you might be demanding in your relationship:
- How do you respond when things don’t go your way? Do you retaliate? Do you try to manipulate to make the situation turn out the way you want it to go?
- Are you a good listener? Do you allow your husband to finish his thoughts or do you cut him off when you first hear something you don’t like?
- Do you think about your husband and how he might feel or do you focus on how you feel most of the time?
- Are please and thank you common phrases used in your marriage?
Did any of those questions step on your toes? They did mine. Let’s be mindful that true love does not demand. When we choose to stop demanding, we give our husband freedom to love us in the way he desires.
Freedom to love, or demanded to love. Which do you want in your marriage?
Wife Step: Choose one of the following tips to start practicing in your marriage.
Make a conscious effort to say please and thank you.
Consider your husband’s feelings before responding.
Make it a point to let your husband finish his thoughts, even if you disagree. Listen well.
Quit pouting when things don’t go your way.
Karen lives in Madison, Alabama with her husband and three children. Karen has served as Preschool and Children’s Pastor and has been involved in women’s ministry for many years leading small groups, making hospital visits, organizing retreats, and encouraging the hearts of women. Karen now blogs at Glimpses of Faith and Struggles. What started out as a way to communicate medical facts has become a place where Karen uses life experiences to encourage others in their life journey. When she’s not busy caring for her family or writing, you might find her cooking or crafting.
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