Confusion to Confidence

Wives With LIttles

Confusion to Confidence – Kristin Milner

May 25, 2018

Confusion to Confidence

Confusion is defined as a situation of panic; a breakdown of order. This is what we experienced when our friends invited us to the Escape Room.


As soon as they closed the door, panic took over. Sudden starvation. Urgent thirst. The need to use the restroom.  We were locked in to this small room with our new friends for an hour. We all walked around aimlessly, looking for any clues for how to get out.


A video appeared with instructions and vague background information about the mystery we were to solve. Until we solved the mystery, we were locked inside together. With one hour to figure it out, we began frantically searching the room for any clues we could find.


But, where do we start? There were no clear instructions. No role descriptions. No items to check off a list.  Only doors and boxes around the room with locks, but no keys.


Our experience at the Escape Room was very similar to starting a church. Everyone’s role is very vague at first; especially the role of the pastor’s wife.


When we don’t understand our role, it can create major confusion and chaos.


These emotions lead to frustration, bitterness, and even withdrawal or rebellion.  


How do we define such a clear and vague role? Where is the instruction manual for wives like me who need one to thrive and avoid the chaos in the role as a Pastor’s Wife?


First, our role as a pastor’s wife is hard. But it’s also simple.  As wives, we’re called to pray, help, and love our husbands. When we embrace the simplicity of our role, we can leave behind the old feelings of confusion and move forward with a new confidence.


Genesis 2:18 (ESV) tells us that God realized it wasn’t good for man to be alone, and that He decided to make a “helper suitable for him.” As his wife and a mom of small kids, I often feel like I can’t keep up with everything he has going on. How can we help our husbands when we often feel we can’t keep up?   


Our help looks different with each season. However, in every season, we are called to pray, help and love our husbands.


When we confidently embrace our role, which as a pastor’s wife is often unseen by many, we become a well needed haven for our husbands. A haven no other person can provide for him. Your role is a huge role as you are the only person in the church who can pray, help and love your husband intricately well.


Embrace the value in your role so you can help your husband embrace his as well.


Wife Step: Today, ask your husband how you can pray for him. Then, do it.


How do you help support your husband as a Pastor?

Kristin lives in Huntsville, Al (or Rocket City as the Huntsvillian’s call it) with her husband Tim and two daughters. Kristin and her husband helped start Epic Church in San Francisco, Ca., and are now the lead planters of Essential Church in Huntsville, Al.  

While living and working in San Francisco, Kristin and her husband felt God calling them to Huntsville to start a church for people in the South who no longer believed church was for them.  She’s been married to her best friend and biggest fan, Tim, for ten years. Together they have two beautiful girls, Sophia and Selah. They are expecting again at the end of May.

Before motherhood, Kristin was a Mary Kay director and an aspiring business woman. After years of hard work launching and maintaining a successful career, it all fell apart upon moving across the country. For years after losing her career, Kristin struggled with understanding her value and self-worth. She sought value in other titles, such as being a pastor’s wife, and then eventually a mom.

Kristin now understands our value doesn’t come from the titles or careers we have. Kristin is a stay-at-home mom who seeks to give her children an ordinary, happy childhood. She seeks to find her value in Jesus each day and teaches her kids to do the same by teaching them scripture and letting them see how God fills our shortcomings. She has found her family’s gifts come to the surface when there is space for simplicity. She loves running, reading, writing, being outdoors, and hiking with her family.

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