When You Don’t Like Your Husband’s Hobby

Ten years later and I’m married to a man who counts down the days to deer opener months in advance and has four giant bins of camouflage in our basement. 

To say we don’t share the same passion for hunting is an understatement.

Hunting was never something we talked about before we got married. I didn’t know I would be expected to lose my husband to the pursuit of a wild animal for two weeks every year. I had no idea I’d need to purchase a deep freezer and learn how to cook wild game. And I had no idea his hobby would cause me to wrestle with difficult questions and feelings. 

The first couple years I just decided to grin and bear it (no pun intended). I waved goodbye every morning and evening as he left for the woods, and I covered my eyes the first time I caught a glimpse of a dead deer hanging from our garage. 

Once we started having kids, though, it got even harder to support this hobby. I was frustrated that I had to stay home with the kids all day and let my husband go hang out in the trees instead of pulling his weight at home. It all felt pointless and inconvenient to me.

But those are the key words: to me.

For all these years, I’ve been focused on how his hobby affects me, not how it brings life to him. I’ve been selfish. I’ve been doing a lot of measuring and foot-stomping when things don’t go my way.

Rather than seeking to understand and be with him, I let my annoyance guide my words and actions and made him feel like I was against him.

I made him choose between me and hunting, which was unfair and unnecessary.

I may not love his hobby, but I love him, and sometimes that means doing things—or being interested in things—we never thought we would, for the sake of showing that we care.

After all, I know I really appreciate when he at least pretends to care about furniture arrangements and paint colors.

Last year I decided to go all out for hunting season. I got someone to watch the kids, I dressed in camouflage and blaze orange, laced up some borrowed boots, and joined my hunting-loving husband in the woods. I felt silly and out of place, but it turned out to be a really fun memory for us. And it spoke a lot of love to him.

Ultimately, it’s not about the hobby at all. It’s about showing your husband you’re on his team and you’ve got his back. It’s about cheering him on in the gifts and desires God has given him. And it’s about choosing unity when it’s really easy to choose division.

Which brings me to another point – if you’re needing to breathe because you’re in a season of overwhelm, it’s more difficult to respect your husband’s hobby because you’re in need of a refresher yourself. Friend, take care of yourself and your sanity. If you need some laughter with friends or a care-free afternoon without children, plan it! Don’t despise your husband’s hobby because you wish you had one. Get out and enjoy living how you need as well.

Wife Step: If your husband’s hobbies are simply different from yours’, show some interest. Ask questions. Be his student. You may be surprised how it deepens your connection with one another when you do it together.

*Sometimes our husband’s hobbies aren’t necessarily healthy or helpful. Other times, their hobbies are straight-up damaging and aren’t an activity you want to participate in or support. If your husband’s hobbies are having a detrimental effect on him, you, or your marriage, seek help from a professional.

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Bailey Richardson is the wife of a Paul Bunyan look-a-like, the mama of a growing little family, and a woman on the wild adventure of pursuing Jesus. She lives in a small lake town in Minnesota where her family is highly involved in their local church and Young Life, a global non-profit youth ministry. A self-proclaimed “recovering perfectionist,” Bailey loves writing for and connecting with women who want to more deeply experience the grace, freedom, and abundance that comes from following Jesus. You can find her at baileymrichardson.com or on Instagram @baileymrichardson.