7 Ways to Soften Your Husband’s Heart - Debbie Taylor Williams - A Wife Like Me

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7 Ways to Soften Your Husband’s Heart – Debbie Taylor Williams

November 6, 2019

7 Ways to Soften Your Husband’s Heart

Does your husband have a hardened heart toward you? Do you feel like it’s too late to do anything to regain the love you once shared? Is your marriage good right now, but you want a heads up on how to guard against your husband developing a hardened heart toward you? 


If so, prayerfully consider the following factors that contribute to a hard heart and tips to soften a hard heart.


7 Ways to Soften A Hardened Heart


A hardened heart, our spouse’s or ours, spells T.R.O.U.B.L.E.  Smart wives will be wise to the following so hardened hearts are not creating trouble in their marriage. 


The Trouble with T..ime  – The more time that passes without addressing problems, the more time the heart has to harden.  Think mud pie left out in the sun. Think Satan taking the opportunity to grow resentment. 


Tip 1:  Address issues sooner than later, when they arise.  (Ephesians 4:26-27)


The Trouble with R.uminating on Wrongs – Dwelling on what he said or you said makes a well worn path for our minds to “go to a place of hurt” and often return there.  


Tip 2:  Instead of dwelling on past hurts, ask God’s forgiveness. Apologize. Move forward.  (Ephesians 4:32, Philippians 3:13)


The Trouble with O.bsessing On the Illusive – Never being content with what we have or never being satisfied with our spouse drains love out of our marriage. 


Tip 3:  Let your husband know by your actions and words that you love him and appreciate what you have.  (1 Timothy 6:6-8)


The Trouble with U.njustifably Blaming Your Spouse.  Human nature tends to be self elevating and see the fault in others. In other words, if there’s a problem, it’s because of him.  


Tip 4:  Instead of using attack words such as, “You’re the reason our marriage is falling apart,” use inclusive words. “I know I’m also to blame for what we’re feeling and where we are. How can we make this right?”  (Matthew 7:3-5)


The Trouble with B.elieving the Worst.  When things aren’t going smoothly, it’s easy to believe the worst. 


Tip 5:  Believe and act on what the Bible teaches–to forgive, to not let the sun go down on your anger, to be kind, to rely on Christ’s strength.  (Ephesians 4:26-31, Philippians 4:13) 


The Trouble with L.eaning into A Person to Side Against Our Spouse.  If we’re lonely, troubled, or out of patience with our spouse, we may look to another person with whom we can lean for support. While it’s good to have confidants, it’s important to not use their support against our husband; such as, “Well, Amber and John agree with me!” 


Tip 6:  Appreciate the opportunity to confide in another person, but share your thoughts and words, not your confidant’s, when discussing issues with your husband.  (Colossians 4:6)


The Trouble with E.xpending Time Worrying. Worry contributes to poor sleep, poor health, and poor thinking. The Bible tells us to be anxious for nothing, but with prayer and supplication, to make our requests known to God.


Tip 7:  Lift our husband in prayer before our Heavenly Father, asking Him to soften his heart. (Colossians 4:2, Philippians 4:6-8)


Our Hope for Soft Hearts


What hope do we have if we fear that our husband’s stern gaze reflects a hard heart toward us?  We have all hope in God. Our Heavenly Father is on the side of marriage. We are wise to keep our hearts soft and to pray for our husbands to have soft hearts.


Wife Step: What are your thoughts? The above is just the beginning of a list of factors that contribute to both a hard heart and a soft heart. 


  1. What additional factors can you add that contribute to a hard heart? 
  2. What factors can you add that contribute to soft hearts in marriage? 

Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.


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