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5 Keys to Building Strong Communication in Your Marriage – Tracy Herbener

February 27, 2019

5 Keys to Building Strong Communication in Your Marriage

Communication is the key to any great relationship, but especially in a marriage. And regardless of how long you’ve been married, learning how to have healthy communication is vital.


As a woman who doesn’t like confrontations or disagreements, communication has always been a struggle.  I tend to go with the flow and bury my feelings instead of speaking them. But maybe you struggle with the opposite, over-communicating your feelings and thoughts through disrespectful, quick, or unloving words.  


Finding the balance between these two is where healthy communication is found. Here are a few steps that will allow you to keep that balance:


  1. Before you speak, identify what you’re feeling. For example, let’s say  instead of helping clean up after dinner, your husband heads downstairs to watch television. You are brewing inside. Pause and identify your feeling – which would be frustration or anger.
  2. Then, consider why you feel this way. You might feel this way because this is a recurring theme and you desire your husband to help out more after dinner, or you might feel this way because you have work to finish up and need to step out and have your husband take over. Identify the reason driving your feeling. This is important so you can clearly and calmly communicate.    
  3. Consider the situation from your husband’s perspective.  Maybe he had a terrible day at work.  Maybe he’s tired of hearing he doesn’t do it right anyway, and he feels defeated. Maybe he would be happy to help if the environment were more gracious and thankful. It is vital to put yourself in your spouse’s situation and consider their feelings.
  4. Pray about it. It may sound silly, but try it, and you’ll see why it helps. Ask God to soften your heart and help you see the situation with love, and for help to communicate with your husband.
  5. Speak your truth in love and respect. Now that you’ve named how you feel and know why you feel it, and you’ve asked the Holy Spirit to come into the situation, you can communicate to your husband in a way that doesn’t bottle up your feelings or explode. It might sound something like this: When you come home from work and retreat to the television instead of helping me clean up, it makes me feel alone in our family and I feel frustrated.


Now, your husbands response? That’s not up to you. He may deflect something back on you, or he may brush it off. Keep a soft heart, and have peace with doing your part to speak your truth in love. Do the hard work of controlling your own tongue, and trust the Lord with the rest.


“Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” Proverbs 16:24 NLT


Wife Step:  Take some time and consider your spouse and what they have gone through before you speak unkind or don’t speak and bottle your feelings of resentment towards them.

Tracy is married to the love of her life and best friend, Darrin. Together they have two beautiful children, Victoria and Edward and two puppies, Tripp and Zoey. She loves spending time at the beach, reading, and a great cup of coffee!

Tracy is passionate about helping women discover their God-given identity and unleashing their influence.  Visit her blog at and find her on Instagram, Facebook , Pinterest or Twitter.

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