3 Ways To Get Yourself In The Mood
We’ve all been there. Tired. Depleted. Done. Everyone has pulled on and tugged at and demanded of you all day long.
Finally, they are all in bed and all you want is personal space, netflix, and ice cream. This is all. Is this too much to ask? You are spent.
But not your man.
He starts hitting on you and this is the LAST thing on your mind. How in the world are you supposed to find energy for intimacy at this point? How do we give to our husband when we feel we have nothing left to give? How do we change our mind and our mood?
I have found three helpful ways to change my mind about having sex with my husband when I am just not in the mood. May these speak to you. Sometimes we need all the help we can get.
1. “Give me a minute.” Changing our mind set is a huge deal when it comes to us wives and the bedroom. Have you ever thought to pray about sex? Sister, God cares about your marriage bed and wants to meet you there. Because it is the most intimate act of two becoming one, it is one of the most spiritual things you do in your marriage. Praying about having sex may be the most spiritual prayer you pray.
Tell your husband to give you a minute and head to the bathroom. The bathroom can be your 5 minute sanctuary where you ask Jesus to bring your heart to a place where you want to give your husband pleasure. You can pray that God changes your heart from exhaustion to excitement. Pray about giving gifts to your husband: the gift of your body, his pleasure, and your pleasure in him.
2. Slip into something sexy. Feeling attractive is 90% of the battle. In your bathroom sanctuary, take a minute to not only prepare your heart, but prepare you body. You might need to either buy something where you feel really beautiful and have that on hand or rediscover a few pieces of clothing that show your best beauty. Ask God to remind you of your favorite parts of your body and how you want those parts to be enjoyed by your husband. I usually brush my teeth and reapply deodorant – or even take a quick rinse off – rinsing off my day and preparing me to give gifts to my husband.
3. Remember your favorite times of intimacy together. Sometimes I close my eyes and think about the sweetest times we have had together in bed. I think about him holding me and his closeness and his kisses. I remember some of the places we have had intercourse and I think of him. This helps me focus on him and on giving the gift of myself and my body to him.
Even if you try just one of these, you can trust God with your marriage bed. You can trust God to change your mood and your mind. You can trust God that your bedroom can be a place where you BOTH give gifts to one another. You can believe that God can give you energy, joy, and fun with your husband. I have seen countless Netflix and ice cream nights turn into sweet caresses and intimate times. Because God changes minds and moods.
Remember that God is not outside our sexuality; He created it and wants the best sex possible for us and our husband. He created our sex organs, He created sexual pleasure, and He devoted and entire book of the Bible, The Song of Solomon, to intoxicating love and affection with our spouse. Our sexuality is a spiritual gift He has given us.
Wife Steps:
-Read Song of Solomon and ask God to change your mind and mood now for the next time you are not ready.
-Pray with open hands this prayer:
Dear God, please change my mind about how I feel about sex after exhausted days. Change my mood and my body to match his. Help me to see my husband for all that he is, why I chose him years ago, and what it means to have sex and experience intimacy. Remind me of your design and how you love sexual intimacy as a picture of Christ and His Bride. Reveal to me anything that needs to be healed in this area and please heal me. Amen.
Amy graduated from BGSU in 2001 and married her college sweetheart, Rob, one week later. Amy worked in the college ministry of Cru from 2003 to 2015–8 of those years she served as Team Leader. Since 2003 she has regularly blessed the Cru staff, students, and BGSU Greek life with her exceptional speaking, teaching, leading, and mentoring abilities. In June of 2015, Amy brought her experience to the Brookside Staff Team as Director of Outward Movement. In November of 2017, Amy wrote her first book on motherhood titled “Chin Up: Wearing Grace, Strength, and Dignity When Motherhood Unravels Our Souls.” Amy loves anything athletic and competitive, especially tennis and Spikeball, and in her words she “really tries to believe that winning isn’t everything. But, that’s hard.” Amy also enjoys creating things, decorating, and helping others make beautiful spaces. Amy and Rob have three amazing kids ranging from 3 to 10 years old.
Thank you for this article. Sex is definitely changed by my mood. I learned this over the course of many years and our sex life has never been better. Starting the day expecting some sort of sexual intimacy really helps. Walking to the bedroom at night knowing that intimacy is going to occur has really changed my outlook on our sexual times. I look forward to sex just as much as he does now, and that was not the case in the past.
SO WISE! I love this!
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This is such a helpful and practical post. I especially appreciated the reminder about starting small with a simple task, as that often breaks the inertia for me. Thank you for these grounded and actionable ideas.
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This is such a helpful and practical perspective. I especially appreciated your point about choosing to act first, as I often wait for the feeling to come. It’s a good reminder that our actions can lead our emotions.