This year my husband and I decided to partially re-side and fully repaint the exterior of our house. We had already renovated the entire teal carpet and paneling interior but hadn’t started on the terribly discolored cedar and 70s brick siding.

We started work on it this past Fall, and it turned out to be the worst project of the entire renovation. It took much longer than we expected, even with our nice paint sprayer. We ran into problem after problem, facing constant rainy weather, a rock shattered the windshield of our new truck, and breaking our front window with the scaffolding. 

But beyond the real-life difficulties we faced during the remodel, it also created an added layer of stress to our marriage. Simply put, it was a hard few weeks for our marriage.   

There are a few things I learned about working through a difficult season we can all benefit from. 

Remember that you’re a team. When stress and overwhelm is a reality in life, it can be particularly difficult to work together, because it might very well feel like you aren’t on the same team.

This can be hard to do when you’re each working on your own projects, if one of you is away from the home for work or an endeavor, or if energy is spent on other things. When it feels like you’re on your own and your spouse isn’t there to support you, communication can easily break down and arguments quickly become the norm. Half of the battle is simply remembering that you are working together.

Work like you’re a team. My husband and I are currently finishing up an intense camper renovation, with a hard deadline of two-days-from-now. I’m feeling those same feelings again, working through how to work as a team when we are each doing separate jobs for a season. Sometimes it feels like my work is hindering his work, and that his work is hindering my work. Even when you can’t work together, or it feels like your jobs are hindering each others’, it’s important to discuss together the fact that those jobs are actually contributing to each other. Working as a team means that even when you don’t feel like a team, you still do your part for the team and trust that your teammates will do the same.

Show appreciation for your spouse. Even when you’re both working hard on separate things, and maybe feels like you’re working on your own, it’s vital to show appreciation for what your spouse is doing. A simple acknowledgment and “thank you” for their work recognizes that their efforts are both appreciated and are a contribution to the goal. 1 Thessalonians 5:11-12 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you.” Showing appreciation for our spouses’ work both encourages them and acknowledges the hard work they are doing, like the Bible says we are to do.

Acknowledge the hard season. Hard seasons are just that–hard. We are wise to acknowledge together that we are going through a harder season without as much time to spend together, and that we  look forward to a slower season. Having grace and recognizing the season you’re in can help align your desires of being together as well as help you be more patient with each other.

Every couple has seasons that require more work, and seasons that feel like you’re working towards separate goals. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed and frustrated sometimes, but you don’t have to stay that way in your marriage. Remember that you and your husband are a team, and you can trust that your teammate will do their part along with you. Show your appreciation for your husband and acknowledge the hard season with your husband, and you will start to do the work of working as a team, even when you don’t feel like one.

Wife Step: Take a minute to look up at each of the tips above, determining which one you want to focus on in this season of your marriage.

Meagan Elling is a wife of 7 years to Reed, mama to two little girls, writer, and house renovator. She is a SAHM {I’ll let you decide if you want this spelled out or not} in Duluth, MN with a writing degree she thought would go to waste. She is passionate about encouraging women, ministry, traveling, reading 5 books at once, and Texas Roadhouse bread. Meagan writes at www.meaganelling.com and on Instagram @meaganelling.