By Kelly Basham
Is it possible we are wearing out someone’s ear with complaints because we are in the habit of sharing too much about our husbands?
In the first few years of my marriage, I fell into the unpleasant habit of calling friends and family to complain about my husband. Whenever I became angry or frustrated with him, I would snatch the phone from its cradle and punch in someone’s number.
Then, the moment they answered the phone, I divulged my displeasure about the entire situation, which sometimes put my confidant in an uncomfortable position.
Consider Your Words
Sharing too much about our husbands can cause hurt feelings and an awkward situation for all involved. Our words can not only dishonor our husbands but also wear out our friends and family who were willing to listen.
Through God’s Word, he reminds us that not everything needs to be shared. Proverbs 10: 19 says, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.” (ESV) The Bible tells us it’s wise to pause and consider our words before we share them.
Our words can get us into trouble. When we allow our lips to flap uncontrollably, we end up saying things we regret. As much as we want to gripe about husbands when they irritate us, it is usually better to hold back so that we don’t end up sharing too much.
Boundaries Can Keep Us From Sharing Too Much
Does this mean we shouldn’t ever talk about what frustrates us about our husbands? Not at all. Speaking with an entrusted friend, family member, a counselor and especially your husband about your feelings can be healthy.
But it’s not beneficial to anyone if we pick up the phone and complain about our husbands to whoever will listen whenever our husbands aggravate us. We need some healthy boundaries to help us filter our words.
Boundaries are essential in helping us navigate what’s okay and what’s not okay or, in this instance, what we share and don’t share. They can assist us in restraining our lips so that our words protect and honor our husband and our relationship with our friends and family members who would be affected by our complaints.
Guarding Our Words
When we feel the need to pick up the phone and complain about our husbands, we can take our frustrations to the Lord first and ask for his guidance. God is always ready to listen to us.
Talking to God about it before we share it can help us manage our feelings, get in a better state of mind, and gain some perspective on the situation. Once we’ve talked to God about it and our mind is in a better place, we will be less tempted to complain or share something we would later regret.
Going to God before we grab our phone is a wise way to check our words. In Psalm 141:3, David says, “Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” (ESV) David knew his words could get him in jeopardy and that he would need God’s help restraining his mouth before he said something wrong or hurtful.
Following David’s example to seek God’s help will aid you in establishing God-honoring limitations on what you say to the person on the receiving end of your conversation. The next time the temptation to pick up your phone and complain about your husband arises, take a moment to ask God to help you set a guard over your lips so that your words honor your husband, your friends and your family.
Wife Step: The next time you are tempted to grab your phone to complain to a friend or family member about your husband, take a moment to talk to God about it first, using Psalm 141:3 as your guide.