By Cindy Singleton
How can you tell if you are a needy wife? It’s hard to see this on your own. I want to help you learn from my story.
What I Needed as a Wife
“I don’t need you anymore!”
From the look on my husband’s face, it was obvious I’d chosen the wrong words.
We’d been married for a couple of years, and for months our strained relationship had been hanging by a thread.
My husband hadn’t come through with what I’d expected for our marriage. On the day of our wedding, my scared-of-the-dark self thought, “I’ll never have to spend another night alone.” Yet, within months we were living in a foreign country where his job took him away from home three weeks out of every month.
I resented my husband’s absence, and I wondered if he was even worth holding onto.
Finally, while attending a Bible study with a friend, I met someone new.
I encountered Jesus.
My love for him was immediate. Jesus brought my heart to life and filled the places that had felt so empty. For the first time, I realized I needed Jesus even more than I needed my husband.
Changing From a Needy Wife
Not long after that, my husband returned home and I couldn’t wait to share my enthusiasm. That’s when I made my announcement.
I should have said something like, “Hey, I’ve discovered something. Everything I unrealistically expected you to provide, I’ve found in Jesus. Now I know I’ve been demanding things from you that God never intended for you to give me.”
But that’s not what I said.
Instead, I blurted out, “I don’t need you anymore!”
Although my words didn’t convey what I meant, they couldn’t have been truer.
Why You Need Jesus Most of All
Here’s why you need Jesus more than you need your husband.
Your husband doesn’t have what it takes.
Our husbands can’t fill our deepest longings. They can’t love us wholly and completely as Jesus does. And they can’t bring meaning and purpose to our lives every single day.
That’s not a slam on husbands. But the truth is, they’re not perfect. And neither are we.
No matter how good they are, our husbands don’t have what it takes to never let us down. In even the strongest marriages, couples deal with miscommunication issues, hard times, and wanting things their own way.
God, on the other hand, is perfect, and he perfectly provides everything we need. In fact, he’s the source of it all. That’s what he meant when he said, “But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again—ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.” (John 4:14, HCSB).
No matter what or how much we need, God never runs out. He offers all the security, peace, joy, and meaning we long for.
Your husband wasn’t designed to rescue you.
In God’s grand design, our husbands weren’t intended to rescue us. But Jesus is.
Not only does he rescue us, but he fills us with his constant presence. God said, “I will never, never fail you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5, TLB). He also loves us with an “everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3, HCSB). In Christ we’re eternally seen, loved, and rescued.
When we know Jesus is all we need, our lives become living testimonies of his love and power. We show everyone that Jesus is better than anything the world can offer us.
Your husband won’t be with you forever.
We’re not immortal. Even if our marriages last, they’ll end when one spouse takes a final breath. That’s why it’s important to have an eternal focus. Death may separate us from our husbands, but it’ll never separate us from Jesus.
Like the psalmist, we can say, “You have let me experience the joys of life and the exquisite pleasures of your own eternal presence” (Psalm 16:11, TLB).
You can get your needs met in the right way.
My husband and I have been married for more than four decades, and I love him more than any other man on earth. But how I feel about my marriage still depends to a large part on where I’m looking to have my deepest needs satisfied. When I’m satisfied in Jesus, I’m more likely to be happy about my marriage.
Wife Step: If you’re frustrated with your marriage, try spending time with the Lord and focus on his love for you until you can say, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And I desire no one on earth as much as you! (Psalm 73:25, TLB).
A long-time Bible student and teacher, Cindy Singleton is a wife, best friend to three grown daughters, mother-in-law to two pastors, and “CeCe” to eight grandchildren. She enjoys sharing her life experiences as evidence of God’s faithfulness. When she’s not visiting Disney theme parks or planning her annual Camp CeCe, Cindy can be found writing and serving women on her blog. The Titus Woman. She’d love to connect with you on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram.
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