What to Do When Your Marriage Isn’t What You Expect

Disappointment was a key word in my mix of emotions when my honey pulled to the curb of what was to be our first home. He thought it was a wonderful place and wanted to surprise me. I was at a loss for words. It wasn’t at all what I expected.

Have you ever been disappointed because you expected your marriage to be something it isn’t or expected your husband to be someone he isn’t?

Whether you and your husband have different expectations about money, parenting, work, in-laws, church, or sex, how we handle our expectations is important.

The Difference Between Hope and Expectations

“You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth,” Psalm 71:5 NASB.

“The hope of the righteous is gladness, but the expectation of the wicked perishes,” Proverbs 10:28 NASB.

Several years ago, I was asked to write “The Plan A Woman in A Plan B World: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Go According to Plan.” In my chapter, “Earthly Expectations or Heavenly Hope,”  I discovered that the Hebrew word for hope in Psalm 71:5 and for expectation in Proverbs 10:28 mean the same: “cord, ground of hope, things hoped for.”  

Both the righteous and the wicked have a cord to which they hold. Both have a ground of hope on which they stand. Yet the outcome for them is drastically different. Why?  

One holds to unrealistic expectations in people. The other holds to hope in God.

It is important that we understand the difference between expectations and hope. If our happiness is based on our husband’s ability to perform according to our standards, we’ll be continually disappointed. If our hope is placed in God, we’ll have peace.

Our Expectations Can Sometimes be Unrealistic and Unfair

Too often, our friends, social media, and upbringing can cause us to think our husband ‘should’ be a certain way, ‘should’ provide in a certain way, or ‘should’ do what we ask when we ask him. But, that’s unfair to our husbands.

For instance, in the case of our first home, Keith had taken the position of manager of the apartment building so I wouldn’t feel the pressure of being the sole provider. His heart was in the right place. I’m glad I kept my mouth shut as he proudly showed me our home. The Lord provided a nicer place for us to live the following year.

Only Jesus Can Satisfy Our Soul

There is only One who can satisfy the needs of our soul: Jesus. Our husbands are as we are – imperfect sinners saved by grace, doing their best. The sooner we stop demanding they meet our every expectation, the better we’ll find our marriage.

Is this hard? Yes! But it’s important.

Wife Step:  Ask God to help you release unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on your husband. Look to Jesus for your everything.

Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.