By Kimberly Kralovic

Have you wrestled with fear or comparison lately? Being a newlywed in a pandemic certainly has its unique challenges. Like all life transitions, there’s no exact formula through the perks and pains. But here are some truths for the new wife to consider.

Hard Truths for the New Wife

I was the girl who fantasized about a tropical, romantic getaway right after her dream wedding. A heavenly vision filled with fairy tales coming true, weekly date nights, and pure wedded bliss. My perfected, imaginary bubble quickly burst as reality unfolded. And I was forced to deal with some remarkable truths.

The months leading up to our wedding were chaotic. We were dealing with unexpected emotional stressors, the death of a family member, and, of course, the pressures of house hunting in the craziest market. Everything came to a halt with one inevitable decision; we canceled our honeymoon. But, with every unraveling event finally came the good. A month before our date, we finally closed on the house that would soon become our home.  

Releasing what I thought life would be like was rough, but it was the best reminder God could have given me. It forced me to deal with deep-rooted insecurities and be grateful for the things that mattered most. He had given me almost exactly what I wanted – the kindest man – yet I was still hungry for more.

Choosing a New Focus

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (ESV) The need for wanting every desire to be fulfilled soon vanished when I changed my way of thinking. Instead of idealizing what should have been, I decided to be fully content and soaking in the present moment, a concept I hadn’t mastered. 

While I may not have everything I want right now, the two of us have the rest of our lives to live out what God has planned for us. Suddenly I no longer feel the urge to compare myself to others and be free from chains that once held me down. A new focus has been the biggest game-changer. 

A Work in Progress

I haven’t always put my husband’s needs first, but the more in tune I become with our new rhythm, the less arguing we have. One thing to remember is that marriage is always a work in progress. It’s not a race to get to the finish line to live happily ever after. But, there’s beauty in the daily effort it takes for two to become one.

Give Yourself Grace

It’s normal to feel every rush of emotion, including sadness. Give yourself grace through all the unexpected feelings. There can be emptiness and a sense of loss as dynamics change. However, each day is a joyous journey and a new opportunity to grow together. 

Erase Assumptions

Erasing assumptions can also greatly benefit your mindset. The first few months after we said “I do,” I felt stuck. I knew this was supposed to be the honeymoon phase, the best phase, and thought this was as good as it’s ever going to get. But, boy, did I have it all wrong. 

No matter what is true for you and your story, know that your age and stage in life and marriage don’t equate to the happiest moments you will ever feel. I know couples that have been together for years and are more satisfied now than when they first got together. Please realize that your marriage can thrive, even if you didn’t start your life together how you imagined. God will be faithful to show you new truths as you follow him.

Wife Step: Write down what you are grateful for in your marriage and how you have grown. Whether it’s been months or years, it’s never too soon to accept new truths in your marriage.

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