Tips from A Wife Who Has Been Married 44 Years
I’m grinning. Yep. Just typing “44 years” makes me sound ancient; like I could be your grandmother’s mother. Ha! I’m not that old. But, I am old enough and have been married long enough to have a few tips to share. Here goes.
- Never give up. It can get better. Watch out for these three times: 1) When unresolved issues are building up inside, 2) escalating an issue when you’re in the heat of an argument, and 3) the time following an argument. During these times, your marriage can seem hopeless. Us wives are vulnerable to believing the worst – that things will never change, that we can never forgive, that we’ll never be forgiven, or that it’s over. Stand against these thoughts. Get on your knees and pray like crazy for your husband, yourself, and your marriage. Fight the worst thoughts and cling to the truth that “nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:37
- Our imagination isn’t always our friend. It needs to be checked with reality. He comes home late. It doesn’t make sense that his meeting could last until 11:30 pm. He’s having an affair. I recall one night when we’d only been married a few years and I got myself in a twit by imagining my husband was having an affair and he wasn’t. I drove to the building where his meeting was and there were all the cars. Other times I’ve imagined he must have been in a car accident and be dead because he didn’t answer his phone. The truth? He’d accidentally left it at a restaurant. When and if your imagination is running wild, take a deep breath and realize that it is just that – your imagination. If you’re worried, pray. It’s a better way to preoccupy your thoughts with prayer than dreaming up things that aren’t real.
- You’ll get further by praying for your husband than you will by nagging him. Nagging is easy. We just open our mouths and vomit out every thought, complaint, and how we wish he was. Nag. Nag. Nag. Complain. Complain. Complain. Did you know, there’s a warning from our Heavenly Father about a nagging, complaining wife? “It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.” Proverbs 21:9 (NAS) Or, as the New International Version states, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.” (NIV) The Living Bible hits close to home. “It is better to live in the corner of an attic than with a crabby woman in a lovely home.” Ouch! A wise wife will pay attention to our Heavenly Father’s counsel and pray for her husband rather than nag him.
- Your man wants your respect. The more you show him honor, the more he’ll be a man of honor. I remember when I was introduced to the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ in relation to children. The basic premise is that a child will grow up to be what you tell them they are. Call a child selfish and they’ll act out of your expectations and be selfish. Tell the child, “You’re such a picky eater. ” And, guess what? You’ll raise a picky eater.
The same goes true for marriage. Speak what you want your husband to be and your words will affirm him to grow into the husband you respect and love. So, instead of, “You have a horrible job. We never have enough money,” you affirm, “Thank you for working hard and bringing home a steady paycheck.” Instead of complaining, “You never help me,” watch for any tiny thing he does and affirm him, “Thank you for doing that. It helps me tons.”
I have more to share, but you’ll have to wait. To be continued….
Wife Step: In the meantime, which of the above is a good reminder for you?
Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.