By Joy Ballard

The wise woman builds her house, but how good are you with tools? Are you the woman with her own toolbelt or the one telling her husband where to hang the photo frames? I am definitely the latter, but I have watched enough home improvement shows to feel like an expert. 

The Bible is full of practical wisdom “tools.” However, just like you can’t become an expert builder by merely watching other people do it, you cannot become wise by only reading about it. You need to put wisdom into practice to become wiser. 

The Wise Woman Builds Her House

The book of Proverbs is the wisdom book of the Bible. While chapter 31 is known as the “wise woman” chapter, there is another interesting little proverb about wise women:

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1 (NIV)

Why would a woman tear down the roof over her head? 

In the metaphorical sense, a house represents family, relationships and safety. Why would anyone intentionally break that down?

The false assumption we all make sometimes is that relationships can coast. Relationships either get stronger or weaker. You are either building up or tearing down. 

With the right tools in your toolbelt, you can get better at building your most important relationships. 

Before sharing some practical wisdom tools, I can’t emphasize enough that true wisdom always comes from God and his Word. No matter how intelligent or convincing anyone sounds, if you can’t back it up with the Bible, then it is not godly wisdom. The most important thing you can do is to read the Bible. 

Wise Tools for Building Your Relationships

These are the tools a wise woman can use to build her house.

Tool 1: Take Care of Your Mind

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” Proverbs 25:28 (NIV)

The world is full of knowledge, both useful and useless. It is extremely easy to get information overload and not be any wiser for it. There is much awareness about mental health, yet not enough emphasis on the hard work needed to keep your mind healthy. 

If you feel constantly scatterbrained, stressed, rushed and exhausted, it’s very likely you need better sleep, less screens, more exercise and healthier food. And the only way to achieve those things is through boundaries, discipline and self-control, all of which require some hard work on your part. You can do it!

Tool 2: Be a Learner

“The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out.” Proverbs 18:15 (NIV)

Being a learner is admitting you don’t know it all but you are willing to grow. It’s a stance against getting stuck in old ruts and making excuses all your life, and it will take you far in building up your relationships.

Create a learning environment in your home where new experiences are encouraged and mistakes are normal. When you approach life with this attitude you will be more ready to embrace whatever God brings your way. You’ll also have grace for the mistakes you and those you love will undoubtedly make along the way. 

Tool 3: Watch Your Words

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

One of the repetitive themes in Proverbs is about the power of words. Words can tear down and bring death, or they can bring healing and life into your home. Be slow to speak and quick to apologize. Let your speech be gentle, wise and kind. 

To have the capacity to build up your relationships, you need to start from the inside out. Thankfully, there is a wonderful promise in the Bible: “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 (NIV) Breathe a big sigh of relief with me! We have a generous wise Father!

Wife Step: Read a chapter of Proverbs each day for a month and ask God daily to help you walk in wisdom.

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