The Secret to Making Your Marriage Grow - Natalia Drumm - A Wife Like Me

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The Secret to Making Your Marriage Grow – Natalia Drumm

July 16, 2018

The Secret to Making Your Marriage Grow

When my middle son entered first grade he learned how to work a garden. The teacher helped each student plant vegetables and herbs, and they spent the entire year tending their precious garden.

Week after week this blonde little 7 year old boy bounced into the car at pick up and told me about every little spout, all the nasty weeds, and all the work necessary to tend their garden.

Slow and steady he began to see he would reap a reward for his hard work. But it would take  time, patience, hard work, overcoming obstacles and some losses in the garden.

By the end of the year my son had a fresh salad of leafy greens and bright vegetables as his class celebrated with a garden feast. Through this process my son grasped a beautiful lesson – we reap what we sow.

In every spot where carrots were planted, carrots sprouted. Where lettuce was planted lettuce grew. Whatever he chose to plant in his section of the garden took root.

Marriage blossoms in much the same way.

Years ago my marriage sat in disarray, and we were being swallowed up by resentment, bitterness, anger, frustration and chaos. I stepped back and realized something had to change. Whatever we were doing wasn’t working, so it was time to try something new.

It was then God showed me I had been planting unhealthy seeds.

As God began to shift my heart and mind away from my situation, my pain, my spouse and his problems and onto God as my leader, provider, lover, friend and Lord, I was able to see the dangerous work I was doing to my marriage.


If I wanted to reap a healthy marriage I was going to have to do a lot of hard work to sow healthy seeds into my marriage!


So slowly, day after day, I did little things to plant healthy seeds.

Instead of complaining about something, I prayed about it.
Instead of arguing, I held my tongue.
Instead of correcting my husband, I praised him.
Instead of turning away from him, I began to advance toward him.
Instead of asking God to “fix” him, I asked God to fix me.
Instead of wishing for a better husband, I began to be grateful for the husband in front of me.


And every day, with the slow and steady grace of God, the seeds began to take root. His love watered our hearts and souls, and over time we began to see the fruit of a healthy marriage.

It took a lot of hard work, and an awful lot of time, but the harvest did come. We still have to pull weeds and keep away predators, but a flourishing marriage is worth the work!


The secret to making your marriage grow is simple – look to Christ to give you and help you plant seeds.

Wife Step: What seeds are you sowing into your marriage? Are you pleased with the harvest of your marriage, or do you need to work on sowing some new seeds? Today, choose one seed and start to sow.

Resource: The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian is a great place to start. As we slow the seeds of prayer into our marriage we make room for the Holy Spirit to work.

Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family.


Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood.

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.

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