The Power of “I’m Sorry.”

The weekend was the perfect storm of all things gone wrong. Stress at work, fighting off a cold, hectic schedules, miscommunication, and grumpy kids. 

A quick retort to one another on Friday night resulted in a full blown fight by Sunday night. You know, those ‘heated’ conversations when you just volley back and forth until finally, someone surrenders. 

It’s not often we get into these fights, but when we do it’s often because issues have been stuffed below the surface of our hearts and the right amount of pressure and the perfect amount of stress make one or both of us blow up. This particular weekend it was my husband’s turn. 

Up to the surface until the frustrations boiled over. Looking back, it almost makes me want to laugh. Everything was really rather ridiculous, and we weren’t even fighting about anything major. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? Most often our offenses and hurts are minor issues that we hide–tucking away and hoping they won’t become issues. The problem is they almost always do become issues. 

As I laid there in bed listening to my husband’s frustrations and irritations, I wanted so badly to retort back all the ways I wasn’t wrong. All the ways I was justified. And believe me, I had an answer for ALL. THE. THINGS. 

Anyone else been here?

I paused. And in that very moment, the room filled with darkness and silence, and I chose to say three simple words. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

I almost wish I could have seen his face. Because truth be told, I don’t always apologize so quickly. I often combat an argument to prove a point or make headway in a fight. 

It was as if the immediate apology had thrown him off course. Because when an apology is given–a sincere repentance for a wound, the other person involved has to process their anger shifting from hurt to healing. 

As the conversation continued, I continued to apologize. Because right or wrong didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was the heart of my husband was hurt. I could either acknowledge that I had done something, said something, behaved in someway that hurt him, or I could fight to prove I was justified. 

If there is anything I have learned in the fights with my husband over the years it’s that fighting is only fruitful if you find yourself in a place of healing afterwards. 

I don’t want to fight to prove I’m right and he’s wrong. 

I don’t want to fight to show who can be more powerful. 

If we have to fight, then we may as well find ourselves being sharpened by one another, not torn apart. 

His heart was wounded, and whether I felt it justified or not, it was wounded by me. The only balm to his hurt was my acceptance and apology. 

Apologizing isn’t easy. And in our own power it’s not always effective, but when we have humble hearts and sincere actions to accompany an apology, we can often transition away from hurt and move toward healing. 

I know there are many situations not easily resolved with an apology, but I wonder how many of our problems really could move toward resolution if we would simply start with ourselves starting with these three little words. I’m so sorry. 

Wife Step: Consider for a few minutes if you are quick to apologize when you wrong your husband. Do you find yourself with holding apologies or do you take ownership for your part in conflict? Let’s commit today to being women who do the hard things, women who apologize when needed and seek restoration in all possible situations. 

Father God, thank you for forgiving me for my sin. Help me to forgive when I need to forgive my husband, and help me ask for forgiveness when I hurt my husband. 

Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family. 

Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at www.nataliadrumm.com where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood. 

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.