The Most Surprising Marriage Advice

I want to share with you the most surprising marriage advice I’ve ever been given. 

An older couple suggested this tactic to my husband and I during our premarital counseling and said it’s foolproof for solving arguments. They’ve been married for almost 50 years, so they know best, right?

They suggested that when the argument gets heated and your spouse starts to feel like your enemy, stop for a moment. Then take off all your clothes. Sit across from each other and hold hands. Naked.

“It’s impossible to stay mad at each other then!” they laughed.

I’ll be honest—my husband and I have never actually taken this advice. When we’re both angry at each other, the last thing I want to do is undress and let him see me naked and vulnerable. 

When we’re arguing, I want power and protection. I don’t want to feel exposed and unarmed.

But the desire to stay armed and covered reveals our innate tendency to self-protect, which can easily lead to you and your spouse believing one of the greatest lies: we’re against each other. The result is both husband and wife fighting to stand separate grounds and prove a point. 

Instead of recognizing the flaming arrows being thrown at us by the enemy (Ephesians 6:16), we start throwing our own arrows at one another. Satan loves this because it means he successfully convinced us that he’s not the enemy—or, at the very least, causes us to forget his existence for a bit—as we focus on blaming each other.

But here’s the thing. We only have one enemy. And it’s not our husbands, ourselves, our kids, our in-laws, or our messed up families. The Bible reminds us who our real enemy is in Galatians 6:12:  “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

In other words, our struggle isn’t against our people. It’s against the devil.

And the good news? The fight has already been won. Christ has the victory over death and darkness—including the darkness we experience within our marriages.

“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.” Colossians 2:13-15.

Jesus disarms the power of the enemy in communication within our marriages. He disarms the power of the enemy when it feels like you’re on a separate page than your husband, or when it feels like the only conversations you have with your husband end in conflict. 

Because Jesus has complete power over the enemy’s lies and schemes, all we have to do is claim that victory for ourselves through Christ. God loves marriage and desires unity for man and wife. We just need to have the humility to ask for it.

So the most surprising marriage advice I’ve ever received is actually close to the marriage advice I’ll give: when an argument gets heated and your spouse starts to feel like your enemy, stop for a moment. Then take off the lies that threaten to pit you and your husband against each other. Sit across from each other and hold hands. And maybe, do this naked.

Wife Step: Next time you’re frustrated with your spouse, take a deep breath and pause. Maybe you’ve got enough humility and gumption to strip down to nothing. Or maybe all it takes is pausing to say, “Hold on. I’m mad, but I love you. I need you to know that. You’re not my enemy. We’re on the same team.” 

Bailey Richardson is the wife of a Paul Bunyan look-a-like, the mama of a growing little family, and a woman on the wild adventure of pursuing Jesus. She lives in a small lake town in Minnesota where her family is highly involved in their local church and Young Life, a global non-profit youth ministry. A self-proclaimed “recovering perfectionist,” Bailey loves writing for and connecting with women who want to more deeply experience the grace, freedom, and abundance that comes from following Jesus. You can find her at baileymrichardson.com or on Instagram @baileymrichardson.