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By Kristin Milner

We’ve all heard this advice before. Perhaps we’ve even been the ones to say it: The first year is the hardest.

While certainly well-meaning, is this advice helpful? Or is there a chance we project assumed problems onto the bride-to-be or newly married wife? Maybe there are more positive conversation starters about marriage than this?

Leading Up to Marriage

Being engaged to be married is a blissful time. There’s the dress shopping, bridal showers, finding the perfect venue, planning the honeymoon, and so much more. 

In this season leading up to marriage, everyone dotes on the bride, compliments her glow, and shares their most encouraging advice about marriage. 

However, once the wedding ceremonies are over, something seems to change. The cheerful well-wishes and words of encouragement slowly fade.  

Instead of hearing “you two will be so happy together,” the advice turns into “If you haven’t experienced that yet, just wait. You will.”

Why do we seem so hopeful for the bride-to-be’s happiness, only to later seem skeptical about her life as a wife? 

Creating Positive Messages about Marriage

Many messages in our modern culture seem to send a clear signal that marriage is tied to less freedom, less fun, and less happiness. While marriage isn’t for everyone,  creating more positive messages about the institution of marriage should take higher priority in our daily lives and interactions with our friends.

It’s a well-known concept that thinking positively about some area of life will likely help improve both a person’s demeanor and even well-being. Yet, this concept has rarely been applied when talking positively about marriage. 

What if we replaced some of our common sayings and questions about marriage with a more positive tone? What could marriages begin to look like if we simply change the way we talk about it with one another?

Positive Conversation Starters About Marriage

Here are a few ways we can change how we talk about marriage in a more life-giving way. When we have healthy conversations with one another, our marriages and our friendships are better for it. 

• How are you enjoying newlywed life? Enjoy this year of learning more about each other. 

• I’m so thankful for my husband- he has been doing the dishes lately, which is so helpful. What are you feeling thankful for your husband for lately?

• What’s been your favorite memory so far with your husband from over the years?

• How did you first meet your spouse?

• How did you know your spouse was the one?

• Where did you go on your first date?

• How do you think you and your spouse compliment one another?

• What is your favorite thing your spouse does for you?

• How do you serve your spouse or make him/her feel appreciated?

Wouldn’t it be great if happy, healthy marriages were celebrated and talked about more often? They can be! We just need to take that first step in how we approach talking about marriage with one another.

Wife Step: Schedule lunch or coffee with a friend, and encourage her in her marriage. Ask her at least one positive question from the list above.

Grab our free marriage resources here!