Our Everyday Search for Identity
I spent a lot of years hating the woman that stared back at me in the mirror. Because of the mistakes of my past, I felt unworthy, unclean and unwanted. I felt ugly.
Whenever my husband wouldn’t comment on my appearance or affirm his love for me, I felt worse about myself, and I even questioned his love and devotion for me.
For years I didn’t know this, but I was looking to my husband for my identity.
Maybe you can relate.
Maybe you wonder if you’re beyond repair and good enough, forgivable, still loved by God.
Maybe you’ve never known you’re loved by a perfect God.
Maybe you feel marked by what someone did to you, that threatened to steal your value and identity.
Maybe there is so much hurt in your marriage you feel lost and alone.
Maybe you wonder if you’re good enough to be a wife.
I don’t know your story, but we share a common theme. We are driven by the search for true identity, and a desire to be understood and appreciated for who we are. We have an innate longing to seek out something more. The problem is, we look in the wrong places. As wives we tend to look to our husband for things he was never meant to fulfill.
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life’”(John 8:12 NIV).
“I am the light of the world.”
Did you know that at least 18 times in the Bible, Jesus said, “I am..?”
I am the bread of life..
I am the way…
I am the truth..
I am the resurrection…
There was no question, Jesus certainly knew who He was. When others tried to tell Him who He was not, He ignored them. They tried to beat and even kill His identity out of Him. But Jesus knew who He was!
As wives we want so much to be “known,” that we gradually start looking to our husbands as our primary source of worth and identity.
We try and do good and be better until eventually our husband stops responding the way we want him to, and it becomes a vicious cycle of trying so hard with no result. The fact is, no human can fulfill another human. Only God can do that.
“But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12 (NLT)
You’re His, friend. And as His beloved daughter, you need to know that your identity is not found in what you do, what role you play, or even your outward appearance. Your identity is not found in being a wife. Your core identity is found in Christ, which is steady, secure, and eternal.
Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come. 2 Cor. 1:21:22
How much better would our marriages be if we confidently knew the truth that we are His? Would it change the way we wife? Would it change the way we love our husbands?
The answer is YES.
When we walk in the truth that we’re His, everything changes. And when we stop at nothing to pursue that truth, we fulfill our God-given purpose. We become better wives not because we work at it, but because we’re secure in who we are. We realize that we can stop striving. The end result is a happier marriage.
Wife Step: Take out your Bible (if you don’t have one, let us know) and read John 8:12 and John 1:12. Then, spend time talking to God, sharing with him that you want to secure your identity in Him, and nowhere else.
Shannon Geurin is a wife, mother, writer and speaker; but most of all she’s a fighter. She has learned what it takes to fight for her marriage and family. She is deeply passionate about empowering women to rise up through their circumstances and fight in order to find their greatest calling. Shannon loves serving an actively engaged “Fiercely His” community via her website www.shannongeurin.com. Her authentic, genuine style and courage to speak the truth is a breath of fresh air to her readers and is one of her greatest qualities. An Oklahoma girl at heart with the accent and “y’alls” to prove it, she currently resides in the beautiful mountains of Colorado. She graduated with a nursing degree from the University of Oklahoma, but spends her time sipping coffee, writing and doing what she loves most, taking care of her crazy family. Shannon has been married for more than 25 years to her husband John, and is Mom to two spirited daughters, Alex and Averee.