By Dawn R. Ward
You can be your husband’s secret admirer, no matter how long you have been married.
His Secret Admirer
Do you admire your husband?
If you are a newlywed, you are still in the honeymoon phase, so without hesitation, you most likely answered, “Yes!” For those with a few years of marriage under your belt, you might still be stuck on, “Hmm. Can I think about this for a minute?”
According to Webster’s Dictionary, admire means “to feel respect and approval for (someone or something): to regard with admiration.” In other words, we can’t admire someone unless we respect them.
I have a confession to make. I haven’t always treated my husband with the respect he deserves. Like many couples, there were times we didn’t see eye-to-eye.
Being a strong Type-A personality, I wanted things done a certain way. My husband, on the other hand, was willing to let things go for the sake of keeping the peace.
I stopped listening and started nagging. I failed to see my husband as God sees him, a man worthy of my admiration. I loved my husband but needed to work on my attitude towards him.
Why We Need to Admire Our Husbands
Loving our husbands and admiring them should go hand-in-hand, but often, as couples we grow too comfortable with each other, lose intimacy in our relationship, and begin to take one another for granted.
If your husband is not living up to your expectations, admiring him is probably a challenge. It’s tempting to fall into the trap of believing that if your spouse is not worthy of your respect, he does not deserve your respect. But, the Bible instructs us otherwise.
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33 ESV
The word for respect in the Greek means, “reverence; to be in awe of.”
Remember when you first fell in love with your husband? You were in awe of him. You hung on his every word and probably thought he was the smartest guy you ever met. But, when the rose colored glasses came off and reality set in, it became easier to focus on his imperfections than on his strengths, right?
If we want to be the wives God calls us to be, it’s important we realize that respect is based on the position our husbands have in our marriages. God has assigned them the responsibility of loving their wives and protecting them. Sadly, many fail to do so. If you struggle because of feeling your husband doesn’t deserve your respect, it’s important to humbly ask the Lord to show you how to respond in a way that honors him.
How to Be Your Husband’s Secret Admirer
Here are five steps to help you become your husband’s secret admirer.
- Adjust your attitude. Ask the Lord to reveal any blindspots you may have in your attitude. Are you critical or judgmental? Are you carrying around unforgiveness or bitterness? Pray the Lord will humble you and help you see your husband through his eyes. (Colossians 3:12-13)
- Acknowledge his position. Your husband is positioned by God as the head of your household. He may not be acting like it, but the position is one of honor and respect. (Ephesians 5:23)
- Amp up your appreciation. Practice moments of gratitude. Say, “thank you” for the little things he does for you. When we practice gratitude, it refreshes our attitudes. (Colossians 3:15-16)
- Acclaim him often. Don’t assume your husband knows you appreciate him. Admiration is demonstrated in simple and sincere compliments. Avoid berating and nit-picking. Instead, build your husband up by encouraging him with your words. (1 Peter 3:9)
- Activate your faith. Put your faith in action by loving your husband. Pray for your husband. Forgive your husband. Respect your husband by honoring him with your words and actions. Finally, trust God with your husband.
Ask the Lord to help you be your husband’s secret admirer by showing him love, honor, and appreciation even when it’s hard.
Wife Step: Start a 30-Day Admiration Journal. Each day, write one attribute of your husband that you admire and respect.
Dawn Ward is a speaker, writer and blogger. She is the founder of The Faith to Flourish, a ministry that equips women who desire to grow in their faith, cultivate healthy relationships and thrive in all seasons of life. She also ministers to women with loved ones struggling with addiction, mental health issues and life-destructive behaviors. Dawn is the co-author of the book “Still Standing After All the Tears Workbook: Faith in the Battle Edition. She has been married to her husband, Steve, for over forty years and is mom to three adult children. It is her passion to help all women grow in their faith as they learn to better understand the Bible and how to apply it to their lives.