By Theresa Boedeker
We often know ourselves. But how well do we know our mates? Knowing your husband impacts him for good.
How Knowing Your Husband Impacts Him for Good
I wish I had understood and really learned about him earlier in our marriage. It would have saved us some frustration.
We are opposites. About as similar as Pluto and the sun. We differ in just about everything, except we both like the same furniture styles, traveling and walking. However even then, we must bend. I walk at his speed, and he adds museums to the travel list.
Compromise, understanding and accepting the other person as God designed them has been a thread woven through our marriage.
Differences are not bad. They make us who we are and can be strengths.
Learning more about our husbands allows us to better love them, encourage them and impact them in positive ways. This knowledge helps us be like the women in Proverbs 31:12, “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.” (ESV)
9 Ways to Know Your Husband
Here are several things to ponder about your husband:
Think about his strengths.
This helps you compliment and praise him. Divvy up chores. And adjust your expectations of him.
Turns out my husband cannot multitask. Expecting him to take care of a toddler and also clean a kitchen is asking too much. But ask him to fix something, and it will be done correctly.
Figure out his decision style and what helps him accomplish things.
Some people wing things, others research and some go by their intuition. Some need accountability. Others are self-motivated. Some need permission or praise. Some talk and talk; others just quietly start.
My husband uses logical reasoning and research to help him make a decision. So asking which TV is the best to buy will never be a quick answer.
Learn his love language.
Knowing if he likes words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, time together or physical touch helps you say “I love you” in ways he can hear.
When I realized my husband’s love language was time together, it made sense that he was asking me to go to the hardware store with him. It wasn’t because he didn’t know how to shop, but because he viewed it as a way to spend more time together.
Find out his goals and life plans.
This helps you support and encourage him in his dreams and desires.
Discover things you enjoy doing together.
Maybe it is gardening, walking, watching backyard birds, remodeling or putting together puzzles. Play is important and helps you destress and connect.
Identify ways to serve and work together.
Helping at the soup kitchen, teaching a class, remodeling a room or coaching a sport. Common goals that help others or achieve something can bring you together and make use of your strengths.
Learn his fears, worries and frustrations.
You are better able to support and help your husband when you know these things. You can also pray about them.
Because my husband tends to jump to worst-case scenarios, I try to present things in a calm and practical way. I can calm his fears by pointing out the positive and reminding him that God is in the situation.
Uncover his baggage and his family’s ways of doing things.
Each family is unique and has different rules and expectations. Each of us brings some dysfunction into our marriage relationship.
I never heard my parents fight and was not allowed to fight with my siblings. My husband’s parents couldn’t say a civil word to each other, and fights were common among the kids. So, our manner of dealing with conflicts was quite different. Realizing this made it easier to address and create healthier patterns.
Observe how he communicates and listens.
We all want to be heard, but communicating on the other person’s wavelength can be hard.
My husband likes short and direct communication. I like to ramble and visit side paths. If I want him to really listen, I tell him the bottom line first and then ramble when it is not that important.
Knowing our husbands is not a quick task. It’s been over 30 years, and I’m still learning about how we complement each other. But knowing your husband impacts him for good, and is well worth the investment of your time.
Wife Step: In which area do you least know your husband? Form a plan to learn more about this area today.
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Theresa Boedeker has been married to her husband, her complete opposite, for over 30 years. They live in the Midwest and have two children, 15 years apart, and a few grandkids. Theresa daily hunts for humor and tries to bring forth laughter from others. She is passionate about helping women smash lies with God’s truth. Overcome shame. Learn to laugh at life and themselves. Notice God’s love and grace. And not be afraid of making mistakes. She unwraps life and faith at TheresaBoedeker.com. When she is not writing, she enjoys doing creative things like cooking, making jewelry, and taking photos of flowers (they never run from the picture).
Wow am lack of words, great points to be learn everyday for great growth in my marriage. May God help me
Thank you, Lydia!
[…] read the rest of the 7 points, head over to A Wife Like Me where I am visiting […]
Well, it’s almost 46 years and we’re still learning how to love well. I’m appreciating your wise words, friend.
We’ll never stop learning, right? What a journey it is!
Very good observations. My husband is the exact same way about wanting to hear the bottom line first. Especially when it comes to something like a problem with the car or an appliance, he’d rather hear the problem first. If I try to tell the whole story about how the problem came up, he’s not hearing me because he’s wondering what he is going to need to deal with.
Our husband’s are brothers in that way. Funny how you think no one else is like that! It used to bug me. I would say, “but the story is so good. You have to hear it. ” He still wants to hear the bottom line first and then he listens to the story. In my mind that ruins it, but in his mind he is now able to relax and listen to the story. So interesting how God wired us into different people.
Yes! I for one know that I could be a better communicator, better encourager and better wife! Thank you.
What I love, Barb, is God just asks us to start right where we are. He doesn’t shame us for not being farther along or say he won’t help us until we move two steps forward. We just start where we are and slowly make progress. We are here to grow and move forward, not to reach perfection in a week (or even by the end of our life). Don’t compare yourself to others. Celebrate that you are as far along as you are, and just keep moving forward.
Theresa, I hear you about how the way we are raised impacts so much in a marriage. And sometimes those things don’t surface until many years after the wedding. We’re in it for the long haul, though, so we keep working through it. My husband doesn’t like to be interrupted, which—even after 28 years of practice—is a tough one for his wife of Italian heritage. But I try, I really do. 🙂
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