Hope For Wives With Low Sexual Desire
Low Sexual Desire in the Christian Counseling Office
Picture this scenario with me: A married couple loves each other and has a fairly good relationship. However, they keep hitting a roadblock that causes frustration between them; the wife doesn’t want sex nearly as much as her husband does.
If so, that’s because this is an extremely common scenario.
Couples frequently come to the Christian Counseling organization that I work for with this issue surrounding low libido and differing desires.
Why Don’t Married Women Want Sex?
After hundreds of sessions with married couples, our sex therapists have found ten common reasons why a married woman might have a low libido. You can see each of those reasons on this handy infographic below.
Sex requires energy. When we are fatigued, we don’t have much energy. Therefore, sex won’t be enjoyable.
It’s no surprise that a woman’s hormone cycle affects her sexual desire, and fluctuating hormones will make her want sex at varying degrees depending on the time of the month. It’s normal for women to only initiate sex around ovulation each month.
Unable to Orgasm:
While it’s not common to experience an orgasm every time you have sex, it can become frustrating if this occurs over a long period of time, making sex unenjoyable over time.
Life can get busy. And if we aren’t careful, it can be easy to become emotionally disconnected. Because women are wired to want emotional connection before physical connection, emotional disconnection will result in low sexual desire.
Nobody enjoys pain. If sex hurts, the natural result will be a low desire for it.
If you experienced a traumatic sexual experience at any point in your life, this can significantly impact your desire for sex now.
Fear of Pregnancy:
Fear is a strong motivator. If you have enough fear around the idea of getting pregnant, that will affect your desire for sex.
Low Sexual Confidence:
If you are uncomfortable or embarrassed about your body, then you will likely be uncomfortable with the idea of initiating or engaging in sex.
Sexy = Dirty:
If you grew up in a religious or strict home, you might have gotten the impression that wanting and engaging in sex was dirty and wrong. This kind of mindset is hard to just shu t off when you get married. Because of this, it can easily be carried into your married life, causing you to feel dirty when engaging in sex with your spouse.
This plays into several of the other reasons listed above, particularly fatigue and
emotional connection. Life can be busy. When we let the busyness rule our lives, we easily become emotionally disconnected and exhausted, resulting in a dwindling desire for sex.
You Don’t Do What You Don’t Enjoy
What does each of the reasons listed above have in common? For one, they all make sex unenjoyable. And if something isn’t enjoyable, you typically won’t want to do it. This is fairly common sense. So to overcome low libido, start with pinpointing where the roadblocks are, and then work towards discovering how you can enjoy physical intimacy.
There is Hope for You
Each of these reasons is very common and treatable. If you are experiencing any of them, know that you can overcome them. With the right help, you and your spouse can develop a healthy and enjoyable sex life.
Wife Step: If anything in this article resonated with you, I’d recommend reaching out to a Christian Sex Therapist. They’ve been trained to troubleshoot these areas of pain and can help you work through them to the other side so that you and your spouse can enjoy sex the way that God intended.
Leah Maasen is a Copywriter & Digital Project Manager for MyCounselor.Online, a leading provider of online marriage counseling and sex therapy.