Girl, Watch Your Mouth

The church service ended and people congregated around the building. Children began to trickle through the area as their mamas collected them from children’s church and pockets of people chatted all around. A few couples were sharing stories across the building, and I saw a beautiful young mama interrupt a conversation her husband was having and tear into him about something concerning their little one. 

My heart broke as the situation unfolded.

I wanted so badly to march across the building and tell her, “Girl, watch your mouth.” 

Not to confront or embarrass her, but because I’ve been that girl. Short. Disrespectful. Abrasive. Insecure. 

I know so intimately the pain and damage my words and attitudes have had on my marriage in the past. 

Whether we like it or not, whether we mean to or not, every word we say to our husband and about our husband brings life or death to our marriage. When we are sharp with our words they cut deeply into our marriages. When we are kind and courteous they help heal wounds and bring a balm of protection. 

If I could go back in time I would tell myself the same thing I want to tell you today, “Girl, watch your mouth.” 

Watch what you say to your husband in front of others. When we are in public places, people are watching how we show respect and admiration to our husband. When we put them down, correct them publicly, or interrupt them we tell our husbands, and others, that we don’t respect, value or affirm our husband’s thoughts, words or beliefs. And if we have children, you better believe they are always watching what we say to our husbands in front of them. 

Watch what you say about your husband to others. Whether we are talking to family or friends, be careful to speak positively about our spouse. I’m not talking about having to share a hard situation we are walking through with a close and trusted godly friend. There is a difference between sharing what is on our hearts to a friend who will pray for us and lead us back to our husbands in order to strengthen the marriage, and degrading the character of our husbands when we bash them with girlfriends. 

Disclaimer: if you are in any kind of secretive or abusive situation where you have not confided in a person who can help you, please immediately find a friend, pastor, counselor or law enforcement person to assist you to safety. Hiding abuse is never acceptable. 

What we’re talking about here is choosing to speak life-giving words about our husbands to our family and friends instead of tearing them down by drawing attention to all their faults and failures. If we are speaking negatively about our spouse, eventually our friends and family will think negatively about them. 

Watch what you say to your husband when you’re alone. Living with someone within the bonds of marriage affords us great opportunities to either call out the best in someone or criticise the worst in them. Those short, sarcastic, cold, or rude comments we can make, whether aggressive or passive-aggressively, will leave wounds that can be very hard to heal. If we are in a situation where we need to address something about their character or assist them is seeing sin, we must be wise to approach the topic with truth saturated with grace. 

I can’t go back and undo the words I once said, but oh, how I wish I could. I can however move forward with intentionality in choosing words that bring life to my marriage and not death. This is my wish for you as well. 

Wife Step: Think about the last thing you said about your husband to him or to someone else. Was it life giving? If not, repent of your words by asking for forgiveness. And choose today to speak life into your husband by calling out 3-5 things about him. 

Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family. 

Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at www.nataliadrumm.com where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood. 

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.