Dear Wife Feeling Disconnected to Your Husband  

Do you feel a disconnect with your husband? Do you meet each other coming and going? Is he a morning person and you’re a night owl? Do you work days and he work nights? Are you home together yet going through the day without connecting?

If so, I can relate.

When my husband was in law school, I was an early riser and he studied late. It set in motion a routine for our lives. I’m still an early riser and he likes to wind down in the evenings by reading after the time I normally go to bed. With full, busy days and nights, time to talk often gets pushed aside.

So, how can we build connection with our husband if we struggle to have time for even minimal connection?

Build Connection Through Body Language

Our face, hands, and arms are powerful connectors. Think back to when you started dating your husband. Do you remember him smiling at you? How did it make you feel? Happy? Do you remember what holding hands and a warm arm around your shoulder communicated to you? It said, “I want you. I want to be close to you. I care about you.”

Hint: After we’re married, we can unintentionally take one another’s presence for granted. But ask a woman whose husband left her for another person or a wife whose husband has died. That woman would give anything for a hand to hold. She would cherish the often taken for granted hug.

Be intentional about giving good morning smiles and goodbye hugs. They build connection.

Build Connection Through Prayer

So often our relationships are difficult because our hearts are hard. Our communication whether verbal, nonverbal, or tone and attitude reflects our heart. Perhaps you’ve received an angry or indifferent look from your husband. How did it feel? Did it build connection or disconnect?

Angry countenances and indifference do not build connection between spouses. In fact, Satan uses them to create disconnect between couples. “What God has brought together,” often quoted in marriage ceremonies, Satan attempts to separate. That’s why we must be wise wives who wear a countenance that communicates, “I love you” in spite of, (which is how Jesus loves us) and “I love you” even though I disagree with you.

So when it’s hard to want to connect with your husband, remember that God is love and He commands us to “be filled with His Spirit.” (Ephesians 5:18)  Our disobedience to God will cause us to have what He calls in Genesis 4:6 a “fallen” countenance. God’s counsel to the one with a “fallen” countenance is to “do well.” We do well by going to God for help and by asking Him to change our heart. Pray that God would give you a new heart and new eyes to see your husband.

Hint: We can’t change our husband. We can be obedient to our Heavenly Father. When we are, God changes us. Our husband sees God’s love on our face. God’s love draws our husbands. A fallen countenance repels a husband.

Wife Step:

• Talk to God about  any disappointments or angry feelings you have toward your husband.
• Ask God to fill you with His Spirit of  love for your husband and with wisdom for your marriage.
• Pray for your husband.  
• Ask God to give you the words to say to your husband about issues that need discussing.

Debbie Taylor Williams, founder of Hill Country Ministries, a non-profit 501© 3 dedicated to spreading God’s Word and love, is a sought out national Christian speaker and author. Best known as a passionate Biblical expositor, Debbie uses humor and practical illustrations to communicate spiritual truths to women of all ages and walks of life. She has written 7 books and produced numerous video driven Bible studies, including The Plan A Mom In a Plan B World, The Plan A Woman In a Plan B World, Pray With Purpose, Live With Passion; Prayers of My Heart; If God Is In Control, Why Do I Have A Headache?; If God Is In Control, Why Am I A Basket Case, and Discovering His Passion.