How to Safeguard Your Marriage Against Arguments

Over Responsibilities

At a mere 20 years old, I said “I do” to my high school sweetheart. We moved into married student housing and began our next year of college together.  

My marriage was perfect until…my husband left his whiskers in the bathroom sink. His marriage was perfect until…I let the dishes grow mold in the kitchen sink.  

Whiskers and dishes were two of the first things we remember causing feelings of frustration to rise in our hearts. Whiskers and dishes broke the intimacy in our marriage.  

It seems that it’s often the small issues that cause disagreements in our marriage. In marriage, arguments over chores can turn into significant disagreements.

Why?

First, we come to marriage with our own family background. Without a doubt, your husband’s family did not run their household as your parents ran yours. However, our own upbringing is the basis of our preconceived ideas of how our own home will operate. Spending time discussing how each of you was raised and what roles each person had in your family will help in understanding your spouse’s view of how life may work in your own home.  

Second, we feel unappreciated. When our husband makes a comment about the fact that we didn’t do the dishes, what might come out will be angry feelings and careless words resulting in hurt feelings.  

How can we safeguard our marriage against arguments over responsibilities in our home?

COMMUNICATE before intimacy is broken.  Once intimacy is broken, communication becomes difficult.  However, if we choose to be proactive and discuss our upbringing and how we desire our own homes operating, then we are safeguarding our marriage through communication.

Wife Step:  First, sit down with your husband and discuss how each of you were raised.  Who cooked breakfast? Who washed the dishes? Were the clothes ironed?  Did you make your bed? etc.  Then, discuss how you see the responsibilities in your own home working out so that you are not experiencing broken intimacy in your marriage.  Come to agreements on how your home can function in the best way possible. Give your spouse appreciation for all he does in your home.

At a mere 20 years old, I said “I do” to my high school sweetheart. We moved into married student housing and began our next year of college together.  

My marriage was perfect until…my husband left his whiskers in the bathroom sink. His marriage was perfect until…I let the dishes grow mold in the kitchen sink.  

Whiskers and dishes were two of the first things we remember causing feelings of frustration to rise in our hearts. Whiskers and dishes broke the intimacy in our marriage.  

It seems that it’s often the small issues that cause disagreements in our marriage. Arguments over chores can somehow turn into significant disagreements.

Why?

First, we come to marriage with our own family background. Without a doubt, your husband’s family did not run their household as your parents ran yours. However, our own upbringing is the basis of our preconceived ideas of how our own home will operate. Spending time discussing how each of you was raised and what roles each person had in your family will help in understanding your spouse’s view of how life may work in your own home.  

Second, we feel unappreciated. When our husband makes a comment about the fact that we didn’t do the dishes, what might come out will be angry feelings and careless words resulting in hurt feelings.  

How can we safeguard our marriage against arguments over responsibilities in our home?

COMMUNICATE before intimacy is broken.  Once intimacy is broken, communication becomes difficult.  However, if we choose to be proactive and discuss our upbringing and how we desire our own homes operating, then we are safeguarding our marriage through communication.

Wife Step:  First, sit down with your husband and discuss how each of you were raised.  Who cooked breakfast? Who washed the dishes? Were the clothes ironed?  Did you make your bed? etc.  Then, discuss how you see the responsibilities in your own home working out so that you are not experiencing broken intimacy in your marriage.  Come to agreements on how your home can function in the best way possible. Give your spouse appreciation for all he does in your home.