Is Balance is a Myth?
I get asked often, “how do you do it all?” The truth?
I don’t.
I certainly cannot do it all and do it all well. I cannot juggle all the plates perfectly and never expect one to drop.
I can imagine you have endless demands screaming at you and vying for your attention and time. I am a writer, speaker, wife, homeschool mom of three kids, active in church, teacher of Bible study, and chauffer of all kinds. Life is hectic. And the truth is, we cannot balance each one of these things perfectly at all times.
Balance is really a myth. We all want it, but perfect balance is impossible. At least to maintain for any length of time.
At an event over the summer I heard a friend ask Lysa TerKeurst a question at a writing event, “how do you balance life and ministry?” Lysa’s response stuck, “Balance is a tension to be managed, and it changes by season.”
Different seasons of our lives demand different priorities, and these priorities must then be managed.
Where is our attention needed most? What are truly our priorities? They are hard questions to ask but they are ones that will reveal hard truths, who is really getting the best of our time and energy? Or who is suffering and coming in last place?
There are three main things we can keep our eyes on when it comes to this thing called balance:
- What season are we in, and what season are we heading into? It’s important to first think through the season you’re in or about to be in, so you can see both the challenges and opportunities each season will bring.
For example, if you are in or about to begin a season where your husband’s job will require him to be gone more, maybe you can expect to be challenged with the demands of helping more with the kids or house on your own. It might also bring an opportunity for you to dig into projects you’ve been wanting to start or complete that you normally wouldn’t get to if your husband were home.
Think through the reality of the season and how it will affect your schedule.
- What are our priorities, and how might our schedule need to change in this season? I have heard it from my husband before, “You have time for everyone else, but never enough for me.”
I have been guilty so many times of placing work, kids, and life in front of one of the most important people in my life. I have allowed my time and commitments reflect misaligned priorities. Truth be told, when we say our marriage is a priority yet we fail to put our best energy toward it, it’s only a matter of time before our husband feels neglected, our marriage suffers, and our children see mom and dad unhappy.
Think about your priorities, and the season you’re in, and make necessary changes to ensure you’re giving even slivers of energy you have to your priorities.
For example, are you in a season when nursing your baby as needed around the clock is your reality? Then, maybe your one free night you’ve always spent with girlfriends needs to be put on pause so you can instead call a sitter and go out with your husband.
Are you in a season when deadlines are looming and it’s a busy season in your or your husband’s career? Then, maybe your volunteer time needs to end for now and you instead spend that time as a family or with your husband intentionally sharing a meal.
- Say no to things and/or ask for help. Part of managing the tension of seeking balance is learning to decline offers or requests maybe even before you’ve committed.
We need seasons where we pull back and evaluate where we are. If all the plates are beginning to fall and we can no longer manage then it is time to say no to things in front of us.
A great example of this is when my grandmother was sick, I would spend time driving to Charlotte with the kids each week. It took time out of mundane tasks like keeping the house clean. My husband and I agreed to pay someone to clean the house for that season. This freed me up to spend time with my grandmother and make memories that I would not have otherwise been able to do.
Are there events or commitments you’ve said yes to that are in reality stealing your joy and sanity?
Are there ways you can creatively ask for help to free your time and energy up for the things that really matter?
- J.I.F. = Jesus Is First. We can talk about balance all day. We can wrestle down priorities, and we can say no to all the things, but if Jesus isn’t first we will always feel unbalanced.
Pray before your feet hit the floor, and every morning ask God what your priorities should be that day. What should I say no to today? Who needs my attention today? Put God first and let Him lead and show you how to balance your life.
And cling to your Bible. Open it over breakfast, take a few moments while you are getting ready in the morning, and allow the Bible app to read God’s Word to you. Whatever, or however you do it, remember, J.I.F.
Wife Step: Sit down and make a list of your priorities. Then, make a list of all the commitments and tasks you are currently doing which take up time in your schedule. Look over the inventory and ask the following questions: Outside of the required business hours of my job, does my schedule reflect my priorities? What tasks can I ask others to do? What can I say no to right now in this season? What can wait? Be brutal with your list – your heart and mind will thank you for it.
Michelle is a writer and speaker on a mission to equip women to thrive in their walk with Jesus by getting into God’s Word every day. She is a wife to Jeremy – a Minister of Music, and mom to three wild and wonderful kids. She loves Christmas music all year, collecting shells, crazy socks, and drinking lots of coffee. You can find her at www.displayinggrace.com, on Instagram @displayinggrace, or on Facebook @Displaygrace
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