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By Stacey Tolbert

Can you really have friendship with your husband? What if your interests are so different you cannot find ways to enjoy spending time together?

Friends for a Lifetime

A few years ago, when our kids were fully involved in sports and activities, my husband and I began to find ourselves with more time together and realized we were kind of boring.  We lived parallel lives, doing our own tasks around the house, yet rarely did we make time to be together or to create intentional opportunities to grow in relationship with one another.  

It was at this moment that we looked down the road into our future and saw road signs of danger and caution. These signs reminded us to nurture our relationship before it was too late.  

Ruth 1:16 NIV reveals a beautiful picture of friendship: “But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God, my God.” 

When Ruth and Naomi found themselves in a lonely and difficult time, they knew God had provided their friendship to support and encourage each other in faith and daily life. They made a commitment to stay together, even though they had many reasons to go their separate ways. 

God gave our husbands to us as partners in life for encouragement, support, comfort and enjoyment. It is crucial that we take the time to talk about our hopes, dreams, concerns and hurts, so that we can be  an anchor for each other and draw each other closer to Christ.  Even if your husband is not a follower of Christ, it is so important to cultivate your relationship with care, conversation and time. 

4 Ways to Cultivate Friendship with Your Husband

1. Friendship is time. 

Make time in your week to talk about your feelings and your hopes.  If you have two weekend nights free, prioritize spending some of that time with your spouse. If you only have time for your kids, best friends, and mom, but not your spouse, you are communicating that your husband is unimportant to you.

2. Friendship is listening. 

Ask questions and ensure your husband knows you truly care about him and his interests.  I am not a football fan, but I follow the Cleveland Browns on social media so I can keep up to date on their season and share in my husband’s interests.  I have even learned to enjoy watching the games. In the same way, he intentionally listens to my ideas about decorating the house and creating an inviting space, working to bring my ideas to life. 

3. Friendship is creative. 

While you might be a homebody and not enjoy going out on dates, it is valuable to look for ways to be creative as you spend time together. You can be creative at home or plan fun dates together. During the pandemic we had theme dinners at home, such as a Hawaiian luau with fondue. Date nights could be walking around the zoo, going to a farmer’s market or watching a baseball game together. Do what friends do – have fun together.  

4. Friendship is forgiving. 

When your husband hurts you, forgiveness can feel like a mountain in front of you that you have no energy or desire to climb.  The hurt in marriage feels much worse than the hurt in friendship because you have made the commitment of love to each other, for better or worse, in sickness and health.  You can easily feel betrayed when your husband does not realize how hurtful his words and actions can be. Forgive because Christ forgives you.  This is terribly hard to do sometimes, but worth the effort, and God will help you do it.  

Though you may not see your husband making the same effort to work on your friendship, I urge you to do so anyway. Be first to forgive, first to make time for him,  first to be creative and first to listen.  As he feels loved by you, it’s likely you will see changes in his response to you, and his desire to care for you in the same way will increase.  

Wife Step: Apply one of the four steps this week and pray that God will increase your friendship with your husband.

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