By Stacey Tolbert
When our lives hit a detour from the map we thought God had designed for us, many of us ask the question, “Why is God allowing this in my life?” When we look to God for answers, we may only experience silence, causing us to feel more hopeless. But there is hope for us even when we doubt.
God’s Answers and Our Expectations
After five years of being a teacher, I finally landed a job that seemed like a perfect fit. Sadly, my dream job became more like a nightmare in a few years, and I questioned God’s goodness along with my own self-worth.
The heartbreak I experienced in this job situation took a toll on my marriage and other relationships. I placed blame on my husband for many of my emotions. Though he offered words of support and affirmation, I continued to accuse him of saying the wrong things or not being supportive enough.
I wrestled with God, asking him why he provided what seemed like a blessing, only to take it away. Why…why…why? At first, I did not receive the answers I hoped for. I could not see the real reasons for the pain that I had gone through, which prevented me from seeing God’s goodness.
God’s Goodness in the Detours of Life
Have you ever had to take an unexpected detour on a long trip? These detours often begin with frustration. All you can think about is how long this is going to take. I have experienced deviations from a planned travel route that at first were annoying nuisances, but became welcome surprises when I embraced the view, a glimpse of the ocean skyline, or the beauty in nature.
When detours happen in our lives, we may doubt that God is good or that his plan is best. But he continues to reveal his character and provide in unexpected ways. As we focus on God’s character and his promises, he will reveal his plan for our lives, which is more rewarding than anything we can map out ourselves.
God’s Answers to Your “Why”
God’s promises are often your answers to the “why” questions in your life. Let’s look at three of them.
- I am dearly loved in Christ (1 Jn. 4:9).
I am created by God, his love for me is everlasting and unconditional. No matter the pain that might be caused through relationships or rejections, God always accepts me. His love for me does not depend on what I accomplish or how others view me.
- I can trust God’s character (Ps. 9:10).
We may not understand why we are going through difficult circumstances, the loss of a job or loved one, a dire diagnosis, but God’s character never changes. He is love, he is faithful, and he is our comforter and our counselor. We can depend on God at all times and in every situation because of who he is.
- God has a purpose for me (Jer. 29:11).
I may feel hopeless, rejected, and full of doubt about the future. But I know that God is hope, he has a purpose for each of us and sometimes that purpose includes the challenges we go through.
Trusting God with Your “Why”
When you ask “why,” God says, “Trust me.” So, where do we turn when it feels like the decisions we have made are leading us down the wrong road? Proverbs 3:5-6 is one of my favorite verses that has steered me back to trust in God on multiple occasions. It says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (NIV)
I had been turning away from God for nearly a year, angry with him that he had allowed this struggle in my life, even though I was seeking to be faithful. When I finally turned toward God, trusting him instead of myself, I experienced his blessing and care for me. I saw restoration in my marriage and relationships, and hope for my future.
When we fully trust in God, we can let go of the control and anxiety that causes conflict in our marriages. We can also feel closer to God and live with greater peace.
Wife Step:
Write down one area in your life where you may not be trusting God and pray, seeking his wisdom and ask for him to take control of this area in your life.
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Stacey Tolbert is a writer, Director of Engagement, and women’s ministry leader at the church her husband pastors in Northwest Ohio. Stacey and her husband have been serving in ministry together for over 20 years. Stacey has journeyed from college ministry to being a stay-at-home mom to their four children, to full-time teaching, and finally following the call to share her gifts through writing and ministry. Her heart is to help women discover their greatest potential, as they learn to embrace their God-given gifts, both in marriage and in life.
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