By Kelly Basham
Do you worry you’ll lose your independence or control if you rely on your husband? Relying on your husband can actually strengthen your marriage in four important ways.
I Didn’t Want to Rely On Him
When my husband and I got married, my need to be self-sufficient and independent became one of our biggest struggles. I didn’t like asking him for help or his advice; I wanted to do it myself, my way!
We’ve been married for twenty-five years now, and though I’ve gotten better at seeking him out for help, it’s still a struggle for me. I’ve realized that my fear of looking weak, incompetent and needy prevents me from asking for help. To overcome these fears, I’ve had to ask God to help me in this area and surrender my need to feel self-sufficient.
4 Benefits of Relying on Your Husband
As I let my guard down and allowed myself to rely on my husband more, our relationship began to change for the better.
Here are four things I experienced in my marriage when I allowed myself to ask my husband for help and learned to rely on him:
1. A Stronger Bond
My husband likes to offer advice and help, which I did not always graciously receive. Instead, I wanted to do things my way.
God’s Word reminds us that we are stronger when we work together. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 ESV says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
My stubbornness to do things my way put us at odds and prevented my husband and me from experiencing total unity in our marriage. When I began to lean on my husband, we learned to work more as a unified team than two people set against each other. This strengthened the bond between us.
2. A Deeper Intimacy
Admitting that I need help makes me feel vulnerable, and I don’t like to feel that way. Being vulnerable puts our weaknesses out there for our spouse to see and dissect. I didn’t want my husband to see my flaws. I feared he would think less of me if he saw me as anything less than perfect.
By relying on my husband, I learned that there’s something beautifully intimate about putting aside your fears and letting your husband know you need him. Rather than seeing me the way I feared he would see me, he felt needed and included, which led to better intimacy between us.
3. A Greater Trust
Trust is important in any relationship. As someone who doesn’t trust easily, I had to let my guard down to ask for his help and advice when I needed it.
Of course, he had to do his part and follow through with the help I requested to establish this trust between us. But over time, as I sought his help and received that help, I started to count on my husband, which resulted in both of us experiencing greater trust within our relationship.
4. A Deeper Appreciation for Each Other
When we recognize how valuable our spouses’ help and advice are, we will seek it out more. The more we experience the benefits of receiving their help and advice, the more we will learn to appreciate them.
Relying On Each Other Can Lead to Greater Satisfaction
I didn’t realize my refusal to accept my husband’s help prevented us from experiencing a more satisfying relationship. Receiving his help has created a sense of gratitude within me and brought new opportunities for us to enjoy each other.
Learning to depend on your spouse for help can be difficult. It won’t happen overnight; it will require God’s help and patience. But it’s possible to develop a more satisfying relationship in your marriage as you allow yourself to rely on your husband.
Wife Step: This week, look for opportunities to rely on your husband and ask him to assist you with something you would typically try to do yourself.
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Kelly is a writer and blogger passionate about pointing others to God’s word for all of life’s obstacles. On her blog, Blossom In Faith, she writes to encourage others to grow in their relationship with Jesus as they seek, study, and reflect on God’s word. Kelly lives in Nashville, Tennessee, with her husband Brandon, two young adult children, their son-in-law, and two very cuddly puppies. When she isn’t writing, you’ll probably find her working on a new arts and crafts project, hunting for vintage accessories, or planning her family’s next visit to the mountains.
Some of us cannot rely on our husband because he has mental and chronic physical illnesses. As he gets worse I have to do more. Do you have a blog about that? I have quite a hard time finding help for someone in my situation.
Hi Melanie! You are so right – this is not the reality for all of us. One of our writers, Karen Smith, writes from the perspective of living in a marriage where her husband is wheelchair bound. Feel free to go up to the menu, click ‘Blog’, and then you can search ‘Karen Smith’ in the search bar and it will pull up all of her posts. Here is one of hers, and I pray it will be helpful! Praying over your marriage now! https://awifelikeme.com/what-to-do-when-your-marriage-feels-wrecked/
[…] on my husband is a good thing, and it can strengthen your marriage. In my most recent guest post on A Wife Like Me, I share how relying on your spouse can strengthen your marriage in four important […]
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